imaginary friends

Recently I had a friend disappoint me.
I didn’t tell them.
And I didn’t write about it when it happened.
Instead I seethed a little and got angrier and slightly resentful and finally dumped it on my husband.
(who had some great advice that will come later)

And. I have hesitated to write this piece because a lot of my real life friends read this.
Maybe even the one I’m writing about. Maybe not. Actually I’m not really sure.
And to be honest the best pace to work this out would be with them.
Just them.
And not on line.
It’s not really about them. It’s more about me. And I don’t think there is so much to work out anyways.
So, if you are my real life friend and are reading this and wondering, hesitantly or fearfully if this is about you.
It might be.
But it probably isn’t.
And again. Even if it is. It’s not REALLY about you.
And if it isn’t. It could be. If we have been friends for more than five minutes, we have probably had a moment like this.

So, back to me venting to my husband.
I forced him to listen to my girl woes and what I thought were very valid complaints.
To which he said,
“So. Why are you mad? That is what I'd expect. Some of it is what I would do. Why are you expecting something else.”
And I got a little frustrated because really I was just hoping he would agree. Be on my team and tell me how right I was rather than speaking some truth.

And he was right.
And I had a hard time swallowing it.

And sure, I have friends that I love even though they are always late or have a short temper or are high strung, or are more conservative, or are more liberal or occasionally flighty. And it doesn’t bother me. It is just part of who they are and who I love.
And they manage to love me despite of
My insensitive. my constant interruptions. my obnoxious. my rantings. my strong opinions. my lack of strong opinions. my habit of eating off their plate, my loose lips…..and probably a hundred other more things. Really, I totally get the good end of the deal.

And I’m sure I’ve hurt feelings or said dumb things or dominated conversations that I shouldn’t have. And occasionally I have even apologized for it.
But mostly I haven’t. And they are my friend anyways.

And so my friend didn’t really disappoint me.
Or hurt my feelings.
Instead. Some girl I made up did.

My friend was still there. Doing all the things that I love about her.
And I decided that maybe my expectations. The false ones I made up.
Should go.
While the rest of us went out for coffee.


Corinne said...

There is so much truth in this, so much that I think we, as women especially, all do.
Thanks for being so open, and I hope the situation gets better for it :)

AmommymousBlogger said...

True, true, true. I was just on the opposite side of this with a person I considered a friend. She kept being upset about things that I totally couldn't change-- values I held, core personality traits-- and I finally had to accept that she actually wasn't my friend. I had to just let it go. Hard, but a good thing to learn.