idontbelieveingrammar

Have I ever mentioned that my kid is funny. Really funny. Sometimes even on purpose. Here are a few of the conversations we have had just this week. earlier this week when he only made it half into pjs and wandered in the living room to watch some cartoons. Dad: Put some pants on kid, no one wants to see your junk. O: That’s not junk. Those are my private parts. Me: Keep them that way kid. this morning before school.... O: I’m tired. I need to get better sleep. Dad: Go to bed earlier then. O:That’s not it. I need a tipperpedic. (as in temperpedic mattress). the other day on the way home from school O: My teacher says you should even brush your dog’s teeth. Me: We have a dog toothbrush somewhere. Have at it kid. O: I already used Tess’s.

A few months ago, we ordered our son a piggy bank. The kind with different sections for saving and spending and donating. We have been trying to teach him about money. And that he doesn’t need every thing he sees advertised on TV. (if I see the pillow pet commercial one more time I just might scream). And he has been sticking his little coins and dollars in the slots and buying his own ice cream when the truck comes around. And he has been saving up. For a skateboard. Really, I have no idea where he got this idea. But he saw one at Academy about a month or so ago and wanted it. Bad. Finally, he had the 10$ he needed. So we emptied out the piggy and went on our way. He handed the sweet cashier his 10+ change. While dad waited behind him to spend twice that on a helmet. And I hoped our insurance coverage would be enough for whatever injuries might ensue. And we got home, strapped on the helmet and tried the thing out. And I do mean we ( but I won’t be posting any of those pictures J ) It...

We wasted a lot of money and time at swim lessons this summer. 4 weeks worth. And the boy could hardly swim. And when I use the word swim, I mean flail around in the water enough to just keep his head above water and sometimes lucky enough to make it to the stairs. The last set of swim lessons were a particular bust. The teacher, a sweet blonde teenager was wooed by my son’s cuteness. Meaning she held him about 90% of the time. And it is pretty hard to learn to swim when you are permanently attached to someone’s shoulder. The last teacher would work on strokes and kicking and when he would get just a few feet from the edge, he would give my son a good shove and make him get to the side by himself. This teacher, when not toting him around on her shoulder, just seemed to work on floating. I was frustrated. Tired of writing big checks and tired of trying to get him there in his trunks by 9 am while I sat up in the bleachers and watched him not swim for another 45 minutes. I was especiall...

Last week my in-laws had the kids. It was a nice break. I got to do things I don’t normally do. I went to a movie without talking animals. I went to breakfast, lunch and dinner with friends. I slept until 9:30 am. (I don’t think that has happened in over 5 years). Me and the husband just decided to go to Dallas for dinner. Just like that. Without having to try and find a sitter or pack a diaper back. I watched a DVD all the way through without being interrupted. I read like 5 books. Probably more. I had my eyebrows threaded for the first time (and cried like a baby). I ate sushi twice. I napped. I sat in one of those squishy chairs at Barnes and Noble and read a book that I had no intention of buying. I made dinner for just me and my husband. And it was stuff I knew my kids wouldn’t eat. I went downtown almost everyday and handed out cold drinks. One of my best friends treated me to pedicure. No one wiggled their way into my bed at 2 am. Got an allergy test ( 80 needles in my back, no...

I remember about a half dozen years ago sitting on a couch with a bunch of women for a much needed girls night. We never made it to coffee or drinks or even a movie. We just sat on the couch and talked about breast feeding and babies and how many we were going to have and when we were going to get started. We were all married and just about to embark on that journey. One girl was expecting any second. Another had a baby at home and the rest of us were thinking about it. These were new conversations to us. And so we droned on. And on. And I didn’t make it through the night. The first 15 or so minutes intrigued me. But an hour and a half later of talking solely about boobs and mucus and charting, I made up some excuse and I got off the couch and went home to bed. Don’t get me wrong. I can tell my labor stories until I am blue in the face. I can talk about the virtue of breast milk and I am the go-to girl when it comes to questions about fevers and bugs and rashes. I can talk about my bab...

Today I registered this little guy for kindergarden. Ok. So maybe that picture is a little bit old. But so stinkin cute. (and yes my boy used to wear a helmet and he made it look good!) So this is a slightly more recent picture. But I'm not really sure how we suddenly got from there to here. And I did feel a bit... oh-my-gosh-I-can't-believe-I-am-registering-my-baby-for-kindergarden even though I'm not usually that kind of mom. Is he ready? Am I ready? Will he do ok? Will he make friends? Will he be smart enough? Will his teacher like him? Is he too little? Will he know where to go? Will he be able to put the straw in his capri sun all by himself? But within minutes my kid had single handedly organized the rowdiest game of hide and go seek with about a half dozen kids that he had never met while I filled out a ridiculous amount of forms and waited in as many different lines. After they had tired and squealing and running and going over and under the cafeteria tables him and...

The other day I was talking with someone about Kelli Corigan’s new book. Particuarly the end of the book. Where her friend, who just turned 40, decided that she was going to try and get pregnant from a sperm bank. Because even though she did not have a husband she wanted nothing more than to be a mom. My friend talked about how she might have done the same thing had she been in her shoes. Or would at least consider it. Because she so desperately wanted to be a mother. And thankfully she is to a couple of beautiful girls. And I stared back at her a little blankly because I have never wondered down this path. And I felt so unsettled because I don’t think that seed is planted in me so strongly. The mothering seed. Don’t get me wrong. I wanted my babies. We tried for them. I talked my husband into them. I might even want another. And I love them fiercely. I would walk through fire for them. I’d give them both my kidneys. Without a second thought. But sometimes I wonder what it would be lik...