coming soon....2 lines

2 lines, as in the positive result of a pregnancy test. As in the stick I peed on on Friday. I plan on putting all my pregnancy blogs there for those of you who don't want to read about the "joys" of mother-to-be hood all time.
But since my brain isn't fully functioning I am afraid of forgetting if I don't get started now. For the last 2 days I have been thinking...I want to remember to blog about that, and that, and so on....and now I can't remember hardly any of it. So consider this a sneak preview and I'll get the new site up and running as soon as I enlist some help.

I guess I should start at the begining. No, not that begining. The one where I am standing in line at CVS clutching my one item a bit embarressedly. I am even embarrassed that I am embarrassed. I am married. I have one kid already. Why does buying a pregnancy test still make my cheeks burn. I made the mistake of going to the closest CVS to school and am hoping not to see any students in the place. I considered geting one of those little handcarts and filling it with useless items to distract everyone from the one thing I came here to buy......but payday is still a few days a way and I am hesitant to even spend the 12$ on the test. It is a waste of 12 $ I think. I don't feel pregnant. Sure I felt like puking at the assembly yesterday but that was beacuse I made a rare trip to the gym the night before and then forgot to eat breakfast. One wataburger taquito cured me of my queasiness. But then my period still hasn't come. Well not exactly. This was the first official month me and Shaun were trying. And when I say trying I mean not using birth control. With O we actively tried and it took about 4 months. This month we barely saw each other. I don't even remember being in the same room long enough to make a baby. My parents were coming in town and I wanted to put these creepy suspisions out of my head and enjoy a big fat glass of wine at whatever expensive dinner they treated me to.
Back to me waiting in line at CVS....the coast is clear...no students or parents in sight....that is until I see the check out guy. An ex-student. I look around at the photo counter hoping someone there can check me out.......but I swear this guy is apparently the only person working in the store. I breifly consider leaving, but decide that the humiliation of buying a pregnancy test from a student is not as bad as facing the hell that is WalMart next door. Who knows, maybe he won't remember me......and I don't teach at that school any more anyways. Just as I am convincing myself that it is ok, I big bellowing "Mrs. Hurst" comes out from behind the counter. I can't remember this kid's name and am thankful for name tags. I make uncomfortable small talk as he checks me out and even state how awkward this is. He rings me up, bags my product and keeps talking! Trying to make a getaway... I tell him not to start any rumers. He looks confused and then finally realizes what he sold me ....and starts screaming "are you pregnant" in that same booming voice for the other 6 people waiting behind me in line to hear. I explain that I don't know and that is why I am buying the test.......while wondering if he would actually buy the "it's for a friend" line.
So I get home. No rush. I have no expectations other than to confirm what I already think that I have one more month of coffee, booze and being friends w/ Wendy. I finally pee on my stick and set it aside. I don't even stare at it and wait for it to change. A few minutes later I pop back in the bathroom to throw it away and see two lines, two big bold lines, screaming back at me.

small talk

i hate it.
does anyone actully like it? you know the hi, how are you? what is new, comments on the weather ( really! who knew I'd actually be bringing up the weather one day)...junk you have to get through to get to the real stuff. and by real stuff i don't necessarily mean anything of substance. i just mean the comfort level of real conversation. like when someone you haven't talked to in a while, or someone you usually don't talk to on the phone calls you. you know there is a reason. a purpose for this call and just want to skip the crap and get to the point. that is rude, however. rude? why? why is it considered rude to not waste time. this is part of the reason i have finally embraced texting. to skip all that and get to the point. human contact, schmontackt.
i am raging about small talk because i find myself in it alot these days. see alot of my life is new. new but in the same spot. a new school that i love, but still havent quite made friends at. people to eat lunch with yes. people i know by first name. people to play practical jokes with. people to share coffee with. people to borrow change from. but friends not quite. this distinction is easy. there is still small talk.
the next new i find myself in is a new church. reluctantly at a new church. you see last year i felt some urgingings to try the big Methodist church on the corner, by my school, O's school, close to Shaun's work and only a few miles from our house, rather than the 20 minute drive to the church and people we love. after much prodding. you know the recurring thoughts that you can't just continue to push away kind...i talked to shaun about it. i thought he'd disagree and that would be the end of that. see God, I tried. he was fine with it. crap. we put it off. God, temporarily seemed content with later after things get settled in the new job for awhile. but then not so content and later was now. we were pushed, and seemed to have landed in a good place. but currently still a new place filled with small talk. i am, i am from, i am married to, my son is, i work at, i went to school, blah. do you know this person, etc. actually truth be told we are so new that there hasn't even been enough of those conversations yet. so let's get on with it. let's talk about the weather, what we do and the price of gas so we can get on to the important stuff....like your coffee order.

a little prep work

I cook like I do everything else. Fast, varied, and I tend to ignore details. This means I can't bake ( details matter in baking)...and I often make a really good meal that I can't repeat ( because I am not quite sure what all and how much I put in it). My dad is an amazing chef. He cooks all day, follows a recipe exactly, destroys the kitchen, and uses exotic ingrediants. My mom is the best cook of the house, although my dad would be offended by that. She cooks comfort food. Uses recipes as a mere suggestion and usually reduces the fat. Their abilities and good tastes have me spoiled. They were in town this weekend and spend more on our dinner last night than my current car payment. Owen apparently loves lobster!
Despite my inherited love for food.... the last thing I usually want to do on a weeknight is cook dinner. I have tried lots of things to rememdy this....frozen pizza ( vomit), taco bell ( vomit), super suppers/dream dinners ( ok....but gets old) and we usually end up ordering pizza or eating out ( pricey and bad for my stomach). We also don't eat left overs well. They usually go to waste and I feel guilty about all the little tupperwares full of food that go down my disposal. But then...... I happened to catch an episode of Robin MIller on the food network http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/show_rm. The dishes didn't really win me over but the concpet did. Cook one meal......and cook a little extra.......and use the leftovers for 2-3 different meals the next few nights ( or freeze for later). So I asked for the cookbook for Christmas.....and it has 3 phases 1) meal kits ( things to cook in advance and pop out later for a quick dinner) 2) morph meals....3 leftover meals from 1 initial dinner and 3) just some good quick fixes. It isn't the best cookbook in the world recipe wise but the concepts have changed my weeknights for the better. On Sundays I spend about an hour in the kitchen... I make a quick fix meal, and one of the morph meals and have food for the week. It takes me about 10 minutes to make dinner and it is all good yummy stuff that I look forward ( so I am not tempted to order pizza). For example.....today I made a big batch of "oven fried" chicken.......the leftovers will become chicken and black bean nachos, chicken antipasto pizza and/or terryaki chicken w/ soba noodles. While that baked I cooked up some turkey italian sausage meatballs and sauce and some cheddar and broccoli soup. And the best part is that then Shaun has to clean up the kitchen. This is the 3rd week I have done it and I am hoping to save money, waste less and eat healthier. One hour of prep work seems to save me several hours during the week. If only I could apply that same principal to other areas of my life like laundry, budgeting, lesson planning, etc. But for now I think I'll just use all that extra time on the couch. Only one domestic skill at a time.

operating instructions

Tonight I was out with a friend. An old one. A comfortable one. One that knows the rules.
Her phone rang and she stared at it a minute before deciding to answer. She chatted for a minute and then promised to call her back later in the evening. She hung up and quickly apologized. I laughed at her apology because it was unnecessary and told her that she should know my rules of friend phone etiquette by now ( 1. I expect you to take the call, 2. I expect you to make it quick, 3. I expect you to turn the damn thing off if it rings more than 4 times while we are hanging out). I am in transition. New job. Possibly new church soon. I hate the idea of starting over. Especially when I am in exactly the same place. But starting over with people. Making new connections. Making new friends. Being comfortable enough for them to come to my house or get in my car without feeling like I have to pick up first. We should all come with operating instructions so we can skip all that stuff. Not the fun getting to know you, finding things in common stuff. But the not as fun can I tell her she has spinach in her teeth stuff. When we meet someone that we are going to become friends with …we should just save ourselves a bit of time and just trade lists……..here is mine:

*cell phone etiquette (covered above)
*completely cell phone unreliable. Call me on my cell with a 50/50 chance of answering. But I only check the voicemail like every 3-4 days or so. Slightly better track record w/ the texts.
*I can’t tell a story and drive at the same time.
*I can’t really tell a story and make a point at the same time either, at least not without back tracking into four or five back stories.
*I think I’m funny. You may or may not agree.
*I make a mean mixed tape ( or playlist ) and will come prepared for all road trips.
*There will be road trips. ( ignore previous listings about driving skills).
*I am very considerate while being completely insensitive. I do not have a filter and do not think before I speak. I may or may not realize that I should feel bad later.
*I don’t always get subtle, except in humor and that is the best kind.
*One car is always better than two.
*I am about the fastest paced girl you will ever meet. Give me 15 free minutes and I can mow the lawn, cut my nails and take a shower. Don’t expect me to do any of it well.
*My patience is patchy.
*I am not a good secret keeper. I mean to be…but I am not.
*Put me in the same room as alcohol and I get obnoxious. Acually give me alcohol and your will probably want to take me home. Give me more than 1 glass and you will have to take me home.
*Put me in a room with anywhere between 3 -15 people and I get obnoxious ( no alcohol necessary). I am super extroverted and love people – but in really big groups I actually get quiet.
*When I am uncomfortable I try to be funny. Notice I said try.
*I am a pretty shallow conversationalist. Meaning I don’t jump right on in to the heavy stuff. I can go there. I actually like going there. I just don’t initiate it. I also don’t want to have deep meaningful conversations all the time. I can fit God and sex and donuts all into the same 5 mintue conversation.
*I am not modest in conversation. There is no filter. Very few conversations embarrass me.
*Most physical things embarrass me. I hate karaoke, dancing and even aerobics class. We have to be friends for like 5 years before I will share a dressing room with you.
*I am horribly lactose intolerant. If you eat icecream around me I get sick. Don’t be surprised if I ask you to go to coldstone with me though….just don’t plan much afterwards.
*I am incredibly disciplined but have no self control. Meaning I can train for a half marathon, but can’t say no to dessert, or another round.
*I can’t pee if someone can hear me. I get stage fright. In other words don’t follow me into the bathroom.
*I am secretly mushy. I won’t you long send you sappy cards or tell you how much I’m glad we are friends b/c it embarrasses me, but I will want to.
*I pay. You pay. We don’t keep track. It should all even out.
*I rarely say no. If you ask me to do something or go somewhere…even your stupid marykay, pampered chef, or fill in the blank sell me something party .. I will be there.
*I am usually on time.
*I am surprisingly content.
*I like to share. Especially meals. This doesn’t mean I’ll invite you over for dinner – it means I want half of your entrĂ©e.
*I occasionally cheat at games like cards or dominoes but never sports.
*I am fairly confident in who I am, but also miserably insecure that you don’t like me…….if that is possible.
*I am a freakishly fast reader.
*The occasional 4 letter word might enter my vocabulary from time to time.
*I am a much better distraction when something goes wrong than a comfort.
*I cry at movies. Even ones that aren’t really sad. Sometimes this surprises people (what is up w/ that Tina? Do you think I am made of stone?)
*I do not always feel the need to get dressed up before going out in public. Work out pants are just fine thank you. I certainly do not feel the need to wear make up. Don’t make me wait on you to do the opposite unless you have good books or mags on your coffee table.
*I have recently learned to ask for help when I think I need it. After you keep my dog for the weekend or watch my kid for an hour you might wish I hadn’t learned this new trick.
*I do not like to get icky things on my hands. It freaks me out and is not a nice joke to play on your new friend.
*I do not mind being interupted or woken up.
*I am hard to shake. If we become friends. Really friends. I am hard to break up with.

safe

This afternoon I was frantically trying to open a belated Christmas present for O from a friend. I spent a good 15 minutes untwisting an ungodly amount of twisty ties. You know the kind you can’t cut through as well as finding a screwdriver to unscrew the hardware holding it in place. O cried for the toy impatiently. The added stress made me untwist the ties in the opposite direction and make an even bigger mess. The floor was strewn with spare parts, all probably choking hazards before finally the roaring dinosaur was free and ready to be played with. By then, O had settled on the wine bottle opener ( totally a safe toy right?) that had a remarkable resemblance to a robot.
Maybe we occasionally do this with our joy. We hide it away so that no one can steal it. We twist it and tie and keep it safe.
Safe.
I hate that word.
Last night I prayed that Shaun would get back from St. Louis safely. That O would be safe at school ( besides that kid who bit him……..when I find out what 2 year old is responsible I am going to steal their blankie!). But we aren’t promised safe. We really don’t want it. Sure we want test results to come back negative. We want to make it from one place to another all in one piece. We want our knees to remain unscathed.
Then again sometimes scars can be really cool. Later, after they heal.
When we are safe……we are tied down and held back just like that toy that O has yet to play with. Joy is meant to be shared……..even if that means someone steals ours from time to time.

Things I didn't do on my Christmas break

My break is almost finished and over my almost 2 weeks off I did not....
1. clean out the fridge
2. grade any papers
3. go to the gym every day ( just once).
4. convince O that pooping in the potty was really a much better option than his pants.
5. lesson plan
6. take down my christmas tree even though it is already January
7.ever set my alarm clock
8. shave my legs
9. keep O home from preschool just because me and shaun had the day off
10. read my usual allotment of books during a break ( only 3).
11. eat moderately
12. step on a scale
13. write anything profound
14. save money by not going to starbucks or eating out
15. think twice before getting another tattoo
16. manage to stay awake until midnight on New Years Ever ( heck I didn't even try)
17. finish Owen's first Christmas album ( this was his 3rd).
18. deny my son the pleasure of watching cartoons any time he asked
19. shower daily
20. manage to convince O that he could not get seconds on communion at the christmas eve service without him throwing a fit.
21. get caught up on anything excpet possibly and most importantly sleep
22. remember to mail the bills on time ( yes again)
23. stay a few extra days after Christmas at my parents house
24. hesitate when anyone offered to watch my child
25. dust anything
26. shed those extra few pounds

what did I do you might ask? I slept in, I played spiderman and pirates, I went to a few movies, I ate until I had a stomach ache, I turned up the radio, I hung out with old friends, I drank coffee, I got a tatoo, I outgrew my skinny jeans, I got to spend some time alone with my husband, I watched Tech come back and win their bowl game, I played cards and pretty much a lot of nothing. So yep, it was a pretty good break. I love a good list and checking things off of it as much as the next girl, maybe even more so.... but why ruin a good break with productivity.

greasy buttery goodness washed down with a cherry coke

Me and Shaun used to be movie snobs. We like seeing movies on the day they came out and would often make the trip to Dallas ( angelika or magnolia) for movies that don't make most theatres.
Lately we only see cartoons in the theatre. I have never really been that into cartoons. I don't even like the Simpsons.........but I will go to any and all movies that I think my son will like just to walk into a dark theatre and escape for a few hour. Meaning most of the movies I have seen over the last 6 months involve singing chipmunks, farting ogres or talking bees.
Me and Shaun used our break to catch up on a few movies ( thanks to O's school being open when mine wasn't!)

1. First and most important was Juno. We saw the preview at the last movie we managed to some how find a way to go to....which I can't even remember the name of. The whole "out handlng things way above my maturity level line" had me sold months ago. I freakin love this movie. Think Napoleon Dynomite meets an actual plot and quick and witty ellen page. I was afraid that it would glamorize teenage pregnancy or trivialize the whole adoption issue...but it didn't. It was smart and bittersweet and made juno mature and completely 16 all at the same time. Plus any show with an actor that once adorned the pages of Tiger Beat ( justin bateman) is sure to be a hit. It is full of fantastic one-liners and music that reminded me of gilmore girls. Shaun will buy it as soon as it comes out, but I don't think I can wait that long. I keep telling my friends that I would be more than glad to go see it again...

2. I am Legend.
This was how I spent Christmas afternoon. My belly was achingly full but it did not stop me from getting some twizzlers and eating my share of my nephew's popcorn. I had forgotton that it was a zombie-ish movie. Those creepy things caught me off guard. It was weird to watch a movie with mostly only one character...but I think Will Smith did a great job....and how cute a name is Marley. Part of me was like...let's not give more reasons for people to be afraid of vaccines. It made me think of the book The Road ( which I didn't like) and Castaway....but Will Smith did a better crazy isolated man than Tom Hanks. I had weird freaky dreams that night and blame the "darkseekers".

3. PS I love you.
I saw this w/ my sister in law the other day. We got into the car and my face was red, eyes puffy and just felt drained and she said, " well that was cute". and in some ways it was. Hillary Swank was occasionally un-Swank like....almost whimsical. Tiny and feminine. Even though the premise of the movie is her late husband sending her letters. He still manages to be in the movie quite a bit....and more often than not without a shirt on ( not that I noticed or anything!). Accents make me melt. The entire movie was one big ache. I think I even cried during the previews. Whoever says a good cry does the soul good is a liar. I felt drained and puffy faced all day long. It was good, but a little too cutesy. If something that sad can be considered cutesy. Robert Downy Jr was in the movie....but had really bad hair. In addition to the late hot Irish husband was Grey's Denny Duquette also with an adorable Irish accent and the occasional disrobing. It was hopeful and the ending wasn't too perfect. A bit predictable and I didn't like thinking about what I would do if my husband died. Instead I tried to focus on the Irish. One of the best and worst things about this movie was the projectionist screwed up and showed the begining of the wrong movie. The Dewey Cox Story. I love a good stupid movie on occasion -- but this was horrible. So horrible in fact that they gave us free movie passes for accidentally subjecting us to the first five minutes. So I am hoping to use those free tickets to see another grown up movie before Veggie Tales one opens.