lust. and other things i don't post about....

The fourth topic in 5 for 10 over at momalom’s page is lust.
And I have been dreading this post since the list went up.
I have started it and stopped it and taken it in so many different directions that I'm a little dizzy.
A funny little piece about my dad shredding my sister’s david lee roth poster.
A slightly too candid piece about the fact that I still get crushes.
Losing lust. Love being better than lust. Keeping lust.
A funny picture of my husband laying tile this afternoon. complete with kneebads and grout on his face, which is enough to make any girl feel a little lusty.
My intense preteen crush on Fred Savage.
Embarassing junior high first kiss stories.
making out in cars.
getting caught making out in cars.
Stretching it a bit and not applying lust to sex at all.
But really, let’s be honest….that is immediately what we all think of.
And finally, I thought I had settled on a post about wanderlust – an ache for the distance.
I could write pages on my ache for distance.

But instead I’m going to avoid the topic all together.

Because, lets be honest.
This blog isn’t my journal.

And truth is, I really don’t even keep a journal any more.
And this is as close as I get. But some things need to be protected.
Private.
Just mine.
Or mine and my husband’s.
Or mine and a friend’s.

And I feel bad about this.
Not skirting the topic so much,
But not being as open and honest and forthright as I appear.

Most of us like transparent and authenticity in the blogosphere.
And it is something I really try to put out there.
Here in this space. And in real life.
But there is a point where maybe we shouldn’t go.
Not because we are pretending to be someone else,
but because we are protecting who we are.
And the ones we love the most.

And so to the dozen or so of you that read my blog. I apologize. I won’t be talking about my sex life or my penchant for drinking too much wine, IBS or my friends or family in any way that I think might hurt them. I’ll keep their secrets. I’ll try not to complain too much. Most of the time I steer clear of hot button issues, even though I hear they will do wonders for my stats.

Because everything in my life doesn't need to be a blog post.

Once I even fasted for 6 weeks ( just once a week, not six weeks straight) partly with the intentions to blog about it. And then I read the part in the bible that says not to make it obvious. (Matthew 6:16). And realized that I can’t just do things so I can write about them. I can’t post every good thing I do on here, unless I’m going to post every bad. And well, trust me, we don’t have enough time for that.

Lately I’ve been hanging out with a friend who is going through some rough stuff. I’ve blogged about it plenty. But have backed way off because I don’t want my time with her to be about getting “new material”. And trust me there is plenty of
material there. Instead, I’ve just been enjoying my time on the couch with her rather than writing blog posts every time I visit.

But don’t worry, I won’t be keeping too much back. I’ll share my hopes and my insecurities and my fears. I’ll tell funny stories and list my favorite new songs and remember as much as I can. And it will all be real. And posting them online will make me feel naked and a little insecure. Like someone just read my journal.

But that is the only kind of naked I’ll be writing about.