lust. and other things i don't post about....





The fourth topic in 5 for 10 over at momalom’s page is lust.
And I have been dreading this post since the list went up.
I have started it and stopped it and taken it in so many different directions that I'm a little dizzy.
A funny little piece about my dad shredding my sister’s david lee roth poster.
A slightly too candid piece about the fact that I still get crushes.
Losing lust. Love being better than lust. Keeping lust.
A funny picture of my husband laying tile this afternoon. complete with kneebads and grout on his face, which is enough to make any girl feel a little lusty.
My intense preteen crush on Fred Savage.
Embarassing junior high first kiss stories.
making out in cars.
getting caught making out in cars.
Stretching it a bit and not applying lust to sex at all.
But really, let’s be honest….that is immediately what we all think of.
And finally, I thought I had settled on a post about wanderlust – an ache for the distance.
I could write pages on my ache for distance.

But instead I’m going to avoid the topic all together.

Because, lets be honest.
This blog isn’t my journal.

And truth is, I really don’t even keep a journal any more.
And this is as close as I get. But some things need to be protected.
Private.
Just mine.
Or mine and my husband’s.
Or mine and a friend’s.

And I feel bad about this.
Not skirting the topic so much,
But not being as open and honest and forthright as I appear.

Most of us like transparent and authenticity in the blogosphere.
And it is something I really try to put out there.
Here in this space. And in real life.
But there is a point where maybe we shouldn’t go.
Not because we are pretending to be someone else,
but because we are protecting who we are.
And the ones we love the most.

And so to the dozen or so of you that read my blog. I apologize. I won’t be talking about my sex life or my penchant for drinking too much wine, IBS or my friends or family in any way that I think might hurt them. I’ll keep their secrets. I’ll try not to complain too much. Most of the time I steer clear of hot button issues, even though I hear they will do wonders for my stats.

Because everything in my life doesn't need to be a blog post.

Once I even fasted for 6 weeks ( just once a week, not six weeks straight) partly with the intentions to blog about it. And then I read the part in the bible that says not to make it obvious. (Matthew 6:16). And realized that I can’t just do things so I can write about them. I can’t post every good thing I do on here, unless I’m going to post every bad. And well, trust me, we don’t have enough time for that.

Lately I’ve been hanging out with a friend who is going through some rough stuff. I’ve blogged about it plenty. But have backed way off because I don’t want my time with her to be about getting “new material”. And trust me there is plenty of
material there. Instead, I’ve just been enjoying my time on the couch with her rather than writing blog posts every time I visit.

But don’t worry, I won’t be keeping too much back. I’ll share my hopes and my insecurities and my fears. I’ll tell funny stories and list my favorite new songs and remember as much as I can. And it will all be real. And posting them online will make me feel naked and a little insecure. Like someone just read my journal.

But that is the only kind of naked I’ll be writing about.

16 comments:

Pete the Brit said...

"Because everything in my life doesn't need to be a blog post."

Truer words have never been spoken!!! It's taken me a while to realize that I am allowed to have a 'private life'.

Somethings cannot be adequately reduced down to mere words, and some things shouldn't be :)

SuziCate said...

I had a problem with this one too because I really didn't want to get personal or tell about other people. I think you tackled it much better than I did. I like the way you did it!

Cheryl said...

I am struggling with just this thing. i wrote my lust post, but... I can't publish it. i know too many people IRL who read my blog, and it's just too personal. Even though I want my blog to be about my truth, there IS a line, I think..

Jen said...

You touched on lust and then went another direction entirely. And I love this. You made it more than lust and touched on all the reasons we feel lust and so many of the reasons lust is just for us. Sarah and I weren't sure whether or not to make this a topic, but so far I've really loved how the Five for Ten-ers have tackles this one. I love the style of your writing, and how it mimics your hesitancy with how to tackle this topic on your blog.

Terry Castle said...

I think as bloggers we all feel like this. I write about really personal stuff and then I'll run into friends and they will know my life.

they have visited my blog.

and there are just things you CAN't talk about and it feels like you are not being true. Are maybe you are being true to yourself and those you love.

C (Kid Things) said...

I'm one of those that stretched it. Because I didn't want to take it that personal, either. When I started my blog I promised myself I would never write anything that might embarrass or others, and this is one of those topics that could have easily veered in that direction.

Rebecca S. Mullen said...

I think this is just an elegant way to be naked. There is certainly more to desire when not everything is revealed.

postmommy said...

I agree so very much about this whole "lust" topic. It was easily the toughest topic on the Five for Ten list. And bravo to you, for knowing when NOT to post. :)

Christine said...

Well good for you! Interestingly as I read the start of your post, I thought you had it nailed perfectly. So much of what you mentioned to me is lust exactly. So perhaps you did a better job than you think. But I also think it's important to acknowledge where you won't go. That's healthy and entirely appropriate, and I think refreshing that you just put it out there like that. Well said.

Alisha said...

I too didn't want to reveal too much about my personal life...and there is much that I have lusted after. But some things don't need to be said.

(I share your wanderlust too, my friend.)

Corinne said...

I can so respect this, and tried to go in another direction myself, but couldn't. So I tried to keep mine a little light hearted, without sharing any of the bedroom details ;)
The lines of blogging are difficult, because your'e right - it's not a journal.

Cindy said...

Add my name to the list of people who are struggling with this topic and how much of ME to reveal. I did write an amusing post about lusting after chips and dip. But I'm stuck on the "serious" post. I don't know yet exactly how I'm going to handle it, but I'm glad to know I'm not alone!

Jana said...

Oh but come on! All of those topics sounded good! (I'm interested in the David Lee Roth poster). I know what you mean about this topic making you nervous. It's quite a word, lust is.

Amy Whitley said...

I think this may be my favorite post on lust I've read so far! Your list of ideas is wonderful (Fred Savage! Yes!) but so is your explanation why you won't be delving further into this topic. Great writing!

AmommymousBlogger said...

I think you handled it like a lady-- revealing just enough, but not too much. Well done.

Allison @ Alli 'n Son said...

Good for you for knowing your limitations and doing what you feel is right for you!