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Showing posts from June, 2010

going nowhere part 1

I go and visit one of my friends every week or two.
She has been on bedrest for the last few months.
She is stuck on the couch and I just know that would drive me out of my mind so I come.

At first I go because I think that this is what friends do.
They show up.
They bring food.
And well, I know friends are supposed to do a lot more things than that.
Like remember birthdays and not make insensitive comments.
And I keep screwing those up.
But I’m good at showing up and getting take out.

And visiting my friend is a little bit hard.
Because her life is difficult right now and I can’t do anything about it.
I can’t bring her son back.
I can’t get her husband a job.
I can’t heal her tear or promise her that this baby will make it.
All I can do is sit with her on the couch.
Sitting on the couch with her means I have to be willing to go through the hard with her.
Feel some of her loss and hope and doubt in my own heart.
Even if that is rarely what we talk about.

But I have started to really look forward to seei…


My husband hasn’t always had a history or giving great gifts. Once I got some bouncy balls and a half eaten bag of candy for Valentines. Another time I got a floppy corduroy Blossom style hat (long after blossom was off the hair) and a large blue unrecognizable stuffed animal or Christmas.
But over the years he has improved in leaps and bounds.
There have been Emerald earrings and concert tickets and the perfect pair of Toms (that I actually ordered myself).
But this year for my birthday he did even better.

When we got back from vacation there was a small brown box sitting inside the door.
I knew what it was because he had already told me. (And my birthday had come and gone almost 2 weeks before).
He had printed out many of my blogs in book form.
I had intended to print or at least save most of them a long time ago and had just never gotten around to doing it. I didn’t know what program to use, how expensive it would be or want to take the time editing.
So I was glad that he had done the leg …

take a hike

I can hike all day.
And in Colorado it is what I would rather do than fish or ride horses or even shop in town.
I especially like getting to destinations that are slightly off the beaten path.
If we can find the path at all. Which is the case more often than not.
Going high and far and seeing pretty views.
Snow capped mountains, a tucked away mountain pond and maybe even an elk.
I like the crunch of gravel and twigs beneath my shoes and the rush of the stream nearby.
I even like the burn in my calves after a long hike and eating a peanut butter sandwich for lunch in a tucked away spot.

But I am always a bit distracted.
I spend much of the time afraid.
Walking fast.
I am closely eyeing the tracks in the ground or large piles of poop more than the people around me.
I am constantly scanning ahead and in the bushes.
And when I finally do get to my destination, I am anxious to go back to the jeep or the house as soon as possible.
I try to soak in the beauty and sounds and the smells.
But I am constantly …

back to reality

Ok, I am finally back to my own zip code and time zone.
I haven't been home in weeks. Literally. I have tons of things to unpack, overdue bills to pay, a jungle of a yard,friends to catch up with, a sad soccer crazy hubs to console and hundreds of things on my google reader. I haven't written anything in the last week, but have read a half dozen or so books and have a few things swimming around in my head. Until is an old post about where I was and a few recent pictures.

The Other Ranch

In my circles the ranch, always meant camp. Mo Ranch and where I spent most of my summers from ages 11-21. I haven't dedicated much writing to this place because it is one of the few things in my life that seems to be too big to tackle on paper. It is where I learned about friendship and family and first kisses ( well thanks to camp stewart dances) about being real and sharing a bathroom with 20 other girls, the importance of mail, my love for the late night conversation, the non-…

the friday playlist: the saturday mountain edition

Thought I’d post a few pictures from today and a slightly tardy Friday playlist.
Sticking with the mountain theme since I’ve been in them a week, and heading north to even more for the next week.

1. Can I Love a Man the Way I love a Mountain – Molly Venter
2. Sugar Mountain – Neil Young
3. Walk Down This Mountain – Bebo Norman
4. Beer for my Horses – Willie Nelson
5. Blackbird – Ellis
6. Country Road – James Taylor
7. I was Made for Sunny Days – The Weepies
8. The Wood – Indigo Girls
9. Blue Ridge Mountains – Fleet Foxes
10. One Voice – Wailin Jennys
11. The Brown Trout Blues – Johnny Flinn
12. Mountain Music – Alabama

what we didn't throw away

Both my family’s side of the vacation and Creativity Boot Camp are winding down. Today is the last day for both.
And the random word of the day is smile, which is pretty fitting.
For example, today Owen smiled all the way up the lift, while I white knuckled the bar and closed my eyes. But I did smile when I got to the top and took in the view.
And I’m smiling just thinking about getting in the hot tub in a minute.
Or playing some dominoes later.
I’m smiling because even though everyone else is packed up to go home before the sun rises, my crew has an extra night here. And even then, we are headed further north for another week rather than south.

But my biggest smile came as I climbed down the steps in a tiny white Baptist church.
I’m not particularly Baptist and I didn’t attend a service there.

Let’s backtrack a bit.
My family likes to make good food and especially to eat good food.
Even though I’ve hiked miles with a toddler on my back and rowed for ten miles in the last few days, my pants are…

rough waters

This morning we went for a little raft ride.
It was cool in the morning and the river was cold and smooth.
The ride was easy and the scenery amazing.
We floated along and occasionally paddled our rafts at a leisurely pace.
And stopped for a picnic lunch.
At a few points the water had a few ripples and we may have gotten a splash or two.
But mostly it was an easy ride with a few splashes here or there.

And after lunch we sent the kids and grandparents packing and the brave few stayed.
For bumpier waters.
And we tightened up our life vests and paddled harder and faster through some white waters.
Things with names like “The Maze”, “The Narrows” ,“The Toilet Bowl” and “Sal’s hole”.
We went right back and left forward and held on tight.
We may have even gotten stuck on a rock once.
At the last rapid we watched other boats tip and sway and even dump out an unsuspecting passenger.
Whenever we made it over a particularly tough spot we would all cheer and do a paddle high five.

A few miles down the river my …

table for two

We are staying in one house.
All 16 of us.

I can’t remember the last time we all slept under one roof.
With 16 it has never been done.
And even when we were just 5. It has probably been over a decade.

My family is on vacation, and instead of the usual slew of condos at the beach,
My dad rented one house in Angel Fire New Mexico.

And I won’t pretend that it is all roses.

It is noisy.
There have been harsh words and too much wine.
But there has also been smores and big breakfasts.
There is laughing and running on the stairs and crying and screaming from too tired toddlers.
More giggles from cousins and splashes in the hot tub.
There is snoring from Paw Paw on the couch.
Cussing in the kitchen and quiet conversations on the deck.
And even though I like this noise.
The loud living together kind.
Last night I needed a bit of a retreat.

So me and just my husband slipped away and headed into Taos for a birthday dinner.

We had no plan and no leads only that we wanted to eat somewhere good and new at a table for…


My phone kept dinging with birthday wishes.
Way too early in an unfamiliar bed and timezone.
It had been a long night spent mostly with a toddler kicking me in the face and another fighting for covers.

But I could smell the coffee brewing downstairs.
Full-bodied and inviting along with muffled conversations
That eventually pulled me out of bed.
Out of this.

And I went downstairs and poured myself a cup.

And headed out onto the deck to soak in
Some of this.

Both the coffee and the view were worth the early rising

Another post for day-i've-lost-count creativity boot camp. Today's random word prompt: full-bodied. I struggled with this a bit. because i didn't want to do the obvious. I used it as an excuse to try and schedule a full body massage but didn't have any luck, i could have talked about my fuller than necessary hips....but i refuse to post pictures of you are left with the coffee (and my amazing view).


It was ominously gray ahead.
It started with just light drizzle on my windshield.
But soon big heavy drops were falling.
Harder and faster.
Until my wipers were working over time.
On this one lane mountain winding mountain road.
That maneuvering if fair weather is enough to make me nervous.
But ahead the skies were blue and sun cut across the peaks.
I held my hands firmly at ten and two.
And kept my eyes on the road.
And drove towards the sunshine.

So I've skipped a few days, but I am participating in Creativity Bootcamp and today's random word prompt is: drizzle.

here and there

First are some pics from O's birthday party last night. The theme was super silly cinqo and it was crazy! There were water balloons, silly string, pie in the face and even some slime. I think everyone had a good time and went home dirty.

Next, about the nose ring...well some of you asked for here it is. And I told you it was tiny. And I had no idea that my nose was that bumpy!

I'll even throw in a video just for laughs. And trust me you will laugh. Keep in mind a few things. First, I had no idea this video was being taken! Second, i watched several on you tube before I went and they all bled. Alot. So I kept expecting blood to pour out of my nose and it never did, which would be why I look like I am going to throw up on more than one occasion. I make some great faces and am sure I'll be too embarassed to keep this up for long so watch and laugh while you can and thank Vaness for sneakily recording it on her phone ( I just thought she was taking a picture!) Also …

release: Creativity BootCamp Day6

My sweets has fluid in her ears.
Well actually we all get fluid in our ears from time to time.
But it usually drains fine on it’s own or after a quick round of antibiotics.
My my little girls is thick and hasn’t drained in months. Maybe over a year.
It is quick to get infected and probably causes pressure when she lays down.
Hence, her waking up over and over again each night.
With lots of tears.
Hers and sometimes mine.
We have had at least a dozen ear infections and very few good nights of sleep.
And I am more than ready for it to get better.

And this is a pretty common problem
With an easy fix.

Little tiny tubes inserted into the eardrum to allow air in.
To release the pressure.
And let some of that fluid finally drain.
That’s it.
Just provide an escape route and release the pressure.

Unfortunately this involves surgery.
Minor surgery.
But surgery and Children’s hospital and anesthesiologist and 5:30 am are not words and phrases you want associated with your baby.

But something has to give.
And f…

on hold

Some mornings my son wakes up and I swear he is bigger than I left him from the night before.
His doorframe is filled with sharpie marks.
And even though he is tiny for his age, he is always bigger every time he stands flat footed at the door while I make my mark.
Marks that are slowly creeping up the post.

And just a few hours ago he blew out five candles on his birthday cake.
And five feels like forty.
Because I don’t remember what it was like before he got here.

And I love that I get to watch him grow.
But lately it has seemed a little too fast.

Everyday he needs me less and less.
Which is the point of course.
To raise an independent man who hopefully will love God and love others.

But for now,
I’d kind of like the sharpie marks to stay put for just a little while.

(So I know this prompt and this day deserves a much better post, but I just ran off 20ish 5 year olds who wore me out with water balloons and silly string and slime. I'm exhausted. And this is all I've got. This post is part o…

metal head:creative bootcamp day4

Last night I added a few grams of surgical steel to my body.
Via the nose.

And I know nose rings are pretty common.
Like the naval rings everyone had back in highschool (yes I had one of those too, one that I even tried to pierce myself with a safety pin, which for the record, does not work).
But not too many of my friends have them.

Only the really cool ones.

And I am not cool in any way shape or form.
Next week I turn 32.
I have 2 little ones.
I live in the suburbs.
Am about 30 lbs overweight
And do most of my shopping at Target, and I am not referring to groceries here.
I love to be in bed by 10 pm (or before).
I can’t tell you the last movie I saw in a theatre that didn’t involve talking animals.
I have a house, a dog, 2 kids and a 2 car garage.
I don’t drive a minivan, but have started to occasionally envy people who do.
All that space.
All those cupholders.
Built in booster seats
And the magical way the doors open and shut with just the tiniest click of a button.

And no,
Nose rings are not in dress…