Skip to main content

going nowhere part 1


I go and visit one of my friends every week or two.
She has been on bedrest for the last few months.
She is stuck on the couch and I just know that would drive me out of my mind so I come.

At first I go because I think that this is what friends do.
They show up.
They bring food.
And well, I know friends are supposed to do a lot more things than that.
Like remember birthdays and not make insensitive comments.
And I keep screwing those up.
But I’m good at showing up and getting take out.

And visiting my friend is a little bit hard.
Because her life is difficult right now and I can’t do anything about it.
I can’t bring her son back.
I can’t get her husband a job.
I can’t heal her tear or promise her that this baby will make it.
All I can do is sit with her on the couch.
Sitting on the couch with her means I have to be willing to go through the hard with her.
Feel some of her loss and hope and doubt in my own heart.
Even if that is rarely what we talk about.

But I have started to really look forward to seeing her.
And my time at her house.
And I am busy and squeezing out this time is sometimes tricky.
But I am starting to look forward to it. To want it. To make my visits closer together.
And it isn’t so much about “being a good friend”, but more about hanging out with one.
Because I am starting to enjoy my time on the couch.

I like showing up in my pajamas.
I like sitting down.
Not going anywhere.
Not drinking anything.
And just being.
Watching TV.
Breaking up toddler fights.
And trying to clean up after myself for a change.
Getting my own glass of water.
And talking about nothing and everything all in the same sentence.

There is very little pretending on that couch.
There is nothing easy or off limits or pretentious.
I am starting to really like her couch.
I’m sure my friend is anxious to get off of it.
Or to hold a newborn on it.
And I’m starting to be more sure that the time for that will come.
Until then, I hope she saves me a spot next to her.

(p.s. and to those of you that actually know me or my couch friend...this was obviously written a few weeks ago. I'll follow it up with an update soon enough)
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

multiple choice

As I write I am procturing a test ( yes on a Saturday, and no I am not getting paid for it.) The room is silent. The only noises I hear are pencils scratching on papers and pages turning. If I listen closely enough I swear I can hear their brains turning. I have always been a good test-taker. I would still regularly brag about my SAT scores if it wre socially appropriate to do so(or an actual indicator of anything meaningful). There is something comforting about multiple choice. (well as long as you don't have the crappy all of the above or none of the above choices...just the classic A, B, C, D variety). There are parameters. Multiple choice means you have options. The right answer is right in front of you, and all you have to do is find it. Even if you don't actually know which one the right answer is there are usually clues, it can be narrowed down or worked backwards. Even a blind guess is likely to be right 25% of the time. These aren't bad odds. All you have t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Turning the question

My school has been sending me to some inquiry training. The “i” word has been thrown around since my education classes in college. It is one of those things that is really good as a concept but kind of hard to pull off in the classroom well. For lots of reasons. But the big one number is because teachers are reluctant to let go of the control. To let the kids loose with a concept and see where they end up. Let them discover, own it and share out all on their own. Without intervening. Then push them a little bit further and clear up any misconceptions that they are holding onto before they slip out your door. This is supposed to be the most meaningful way for a kid to learn. For them to discover rather than memorize. One of the other problems with inquiry and science is that kids have stopped learning how to ask questions. My son bombards me with whys all day long. Why are owls nocturnal? (which comes out a lot more like “not-turtles”) Why do I have to take a shower? Why ...
Post a Comment
Read more

pursue something else.

Americans like the idea of happy. of pursuing happiness. It is even one of our inalienable rights at least according to the Declaration of Independance. But I think maybe we should pursue something else. like love or joy or peace or contentment. and leave happy alone. Don't read me wrong. I am neither bitter nor cynical. Even my problems are good problems. I am positive. Half full. And most days I laugh a whole lot more than I cry. And simple things like a dance party in the living room, an hour alone in Barnes and Noble, the yellow pajama pants my son picked out for me for mother's day, potstickers, clean sheets, someone surprising me with coffee, jeans fresh from the dryer, a good song on the radio, or squeals of delight when I walk in the door all make my heart sing. They make me happy. For a minute. But when the squealing turns to screaming, my new pants are dirty, the sheets are in a jumble on the floor or the coffee runs out....where does that leave me? And happy isn'...
22 comments
Read more