confessions from the classroom

So I know most of you are out for the summer, but my school is still in session. Until the 7th! I know. Torture when it is so beautiful outside and half the people I know are already vacation bound.

As I back up my room for another summer, I thought I’d share some of my funniest moments. And for the protection of my school and my own job security…keep in mind that I have been in 4 different schools. I am not naming names or saying where.

10. I may or may not have ruined a Channel One TV with a giant magnet. Magnets on TV screens are not a good idea, but it sure was pretty.

9. One year, I used to nap during my conference on a couch in a small theater in the building. It was a great little hiding place. It was dark and quiet and it locked from the inside. Unfortunately, I was not the only person who knew about this spot and eventually my students told me what kinds of things went on, on that couch. I never napped there again. I also grew up and realized maybe napping during your conference isn’t ok.

8. Once I was using a raw egg for a demo. A kid didn’t believe that it was raw so I tossed it to him to inspect. Unfortunately, my aim wasn’t so good….and it hit the sleeping kid in front of him. Square on the head. The kid never slept again, and the rest of the class didn’t doubt any more of my claims.

7. There is lots of fire in a science classroom. And most of it is even on purpose. But not always. That’s all I’ll say about that. And for those of you that had to go stand out in the cold for a fire “drill” in the middle of January. I apologize.

6. Brewing your own root beer seems like a great biology lab on fermentation. Except when your students don’t follow directions too well and possibly made real beer. And also forgot to release the pressure and I thought I broke my hand on a bottle. And blew out a few ceiling tiles. I wanted to go see the nurse to check on my hand but was so afraid that I smelled like a brewery I just hoped the swelling would go down. (It did, but those ceiling tiles were never the same).

5. I have often taught with my fly down, lunch in my teeth, shirt inside out, various spit up stains on my shoulder, mismatched shoes and once I even made it half the day with my pants ON BACKWARDS. I’m not really a detail girl. There have also been enough mis-speaks and typos to fill up a whole other blog post. But one in particular involved the word organism. Except maybe I accidentally left out a few important letters.

4. One year many schools ago, I got caught skipping class. Which would be ok, if I wasn’t the teacher.

3. I have learned the hard way to preview all videos and articles. Especially ones on reproduction. I’d go into detail but am blushing just thinking about it. Speaking of reproduction, I’ve had a girl go into labor in my class. She very calmly asked for a pass to the nurse while I totally freaked out.

2. Watch where you lay your keys down. Especially if it has an embarrassing key ring that says something about a jiggle butt on it (FYI the jiggle butt is a 5K I run every year that supports a local women’s shelter). Because some nice person might pick up your keys and do an “all send” to the staff asking who lost their jiggle butt keys. Ensuing a day of email fun for everyone but me.

1. I am super careful when I take up phones now. Especially really nice snazzy phones that do more tricks than my computer. Because maybe, when you aren’t feeling so good and you slip out of class to go to the restroom, phones can fall out of your pocket into the toilet. Pre-flush. To which I had to fish out quickly hoping I didn’t ruin it. Then rinse it off in the sink. Put it back in my pocket and hope and pray that I didn’t ruin it. Because I didn’t want to explain to a mad mommy how I broke her kid’s 300$ phone or an AP why they school should pay for it. Everyone but the AP (and me) thought this was hilarious. And as far as I know the student never found out. He never came back to my class again either. Although I am sure that is unrelated….


Dawn said...

I almost peed my pants. Thanks for the laugh. Not sure which was my favorite. I want to know more about the fire though!!!

squeakycheez07 said...

bahaha... i want more stories!

thegypsymama said...

Oh my word!! I am laughing so hard {and mentally wondering a LOT of things about my kids' teachers!!}