bigger than a mustard seed

Flashback to your 2nd grade Sunday School class.
Remember that verses about the mustard seed?

He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you. Luke 17:6

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20

I have a friend with faith bigger than a mustard seed. She knows way more bible verses than me. Loves with a big giant heart and spent her first year out of college serving overseas.

But right now it doesn’t feel like it.
She is full of doubt and fear and anger and grief. Or at least I would be if I was her.
She has experienced the worst kind of loss and is facing the possibility of losing again.

And to that I want to tell God that it is too much.
To back off.
That they need a break.
If anyone deserves a miracle, it is her.

And she is wondering that if she just needs to have more faith.
To pray more.
To read more.
To go to church every Sunday.
That maybe then she will be healed.

And there are all kinds of verses and people and books claiming that you just have to believe.
more or enough.
The whole name it claim it nonsense.
That she just needs more faith.
That faith will heal her.
And I’m sure is afraid to let her self fully believe that she will be healed.
Because what if she isn’t?
Will her faith survive that devastating result?
Would mine?

But what we need to remember from 2nd grade Sunday school…
Is that isn’t a matter of more faith.
Because all it takes is just a little bit.
A mustard seed worth.

And if you can still believe in God and that he is good and has a plan
After losing a child.
That is humongous mountain sized faith.
Even if it comes with giant sized valleys of doubt and fear and anger.

And me and my mustard seed-ness pray with all my might.
And her and her mountain beg and plead and hope and worry.
And I pray for healing.
And she prays for healing.
And if you have faith. Even just a little.
Because all you really need is a mustard seed worth.
Could you pray too?

And we all pray for a faith that can heal.
Or one big enough to withstand loss.
Because both of these can move mountains.

(image copied from here)


nachogy said...

I will pray for her and share the scripture God put on my heart to stand on when I almost lost my Rachel. Exodus 23:26

Alyssa said...

I will be praying. And by the way, your writing has been a wonderful blessing; I just keep soaking it up.

Linzi said...

I actually just listened to the author of the blog The Macs
give her testimonial about losing a child and the challenge it was to her faith. I found it encouraging and hope that maybe you and your friend will, too.
Here is the link to the audio recording of her story:

Laura Ingalls Gunn said...

I was nodding my head at your/your friends story. I understand. 2010 has been a tough year for me... My mother passed away unexpectedly, I lost a good friend to breast cancer, my son and I were involved in a horrific car accident, the list could go on and on...
There have been days that I have just not wanted to get out of bed. But He is there.
There have been trials before and for some situations it was YEARS later before I understood what/why they had occured.
I am going by faith and keeping myself open to what God is trying to show me. I will be praying for your friend.

Be blessed,
"Open the Door To Your Fear"

Melissa said...

Well said. I'm praying!