my so called haircut

I have always been very low maintenance when it comes to my hair.
I have even dried my hair by hanging my head out a car window before.
And I can totally rock a ponytail. As in everyday for a month.
When it comes to haircuts, styles and products…I am cheap, lazy and not usually afraid to try something new.

First lets address the cheap:
I consider Pantene “fancy shampoo”
Conditioner is about the only “product” I regularly purchase…and I am pretty sure that isn’t really a product anyways. I would love a Chi but can’t make myself spend 100$ on something made to intentionally burn my hair. (but yes I do have a much more moderately priced flat iron that I use most days...well the days it isn't in a ponytail). I also only get a hair cut like 2-3 times a year. This is part cheap. Part lazy.

Which leads me to the lazy. Did you read the part about drying my hair out a car window? Or the one about only getting a cut 2-3 times a year? Also I loathe the round brush. Too much work. Most days I sit on the floor (while reading a book of course) and flip my head over and dry as fast as possible. Also scheduling a haircut eludes me. I don’t want to wait weeks for someone to “fit me in”. I want fabulous new hair right then. And I’ve occasionally gotten it. Just not yesterday. Not even close.

Also I’m not afraid to try something new or a little risky. If I only cut my every 5 months I want it to actually look like I got a haircut. Not some lame half inch trim. So I usually lose inches. I am not afraid of chunky layers or adding bangs or bold(ish) colors. Once in college I let my roommate (who had never cut anyone’s hair before) give me bangs. I let another friend give me highlights (I ended up with 2 inch roots because we didn’t know how to use the foil). I even let one of my students dye it red once. (Her mom wasn’t so thrilled about the stained bath tub though). One summer I used about 4 bottles too much Sun-In and had bright orange hair with the texture of straw. (check the facebook tagged photos...you will know the picture when you see it because orange straw hair is pretty hard to miss).

It’s just hair.
It grows back.
It never really bothered me.

Until this morning.
When I woke up with the worst haircut I may have possibly ever had.
I mean I wasn’t in love with it last night.
It was a little “helmet-y” for me...…but it was ok.
I thought I just needed to do it myself.
More like me.
With out the slightly teased bump in the back.

But the image I saw in the mirror actually scared me.
So I washed and dried and flat ironed.
And it still looked bad.
I broke out a round brush and tried again.
I searched everywhere for clippies or hair pins or anything that could salvage my mop.
And so wished that it would be ok to wear a hat to school.
Or that I had enough hair for a ponytail.

Sadly it wasn’t.
I tried to tell myself that I was just being dramatic.
That my hair wasn’t flat and thin and sticking out in all the wrong places.
That I didn’t look like a girl from Tegan and Sara. (who I happen to love, I just don’t want to look like because what looks cool and hip on twin canadian rockers doesn't quite work for a 30ish soccer mom)




Instead, I hoped that maybe I looked something like the picture of Claire Danes that I gave the hairdresser….with chunky layered shoulder length hair and swoopy bangs.


I suddenly felt like I was in the 8th grade...I wanted to call in sick and crawl back in bed.
Or atleast put a paper bag over my head.

And again.
It’s just hair.
It grows back.
But still. A paper bag still sounds like a pretty good idea.
And to be honest I don’t blame the stylist.
She was nice and pretty and told me that I didn’t have too many gray hairs.
Which I'm not quite sure if that was a compliment or an insult.
Isn’t that like telling someone that aren’t really that fat?

So I marched off to school.
A little bit late.
Telling myself.
It’s just hair.
It grows back.
It can’t be as bad as I think it is ….the whole way there.

And then I got to school.
And no one laughed or pointed.
But also no one really said anything.
Only a few people mentioned it.
And …. I teach high school. These kids notice if you change your shoelaces or use a new brand of deodorant.

Which means only 1 of 2 things..
One that no one even noticed that I got a haircut…so it must not be that bad.
Or, two, it is so bad they are being nice by not even acknowledging it.

Since I lost about three pounds of hair….it is probably option 2.

So, I’m considering just shaving my head and getting a giant dragon tattoo on my scalp.
Because that would be an improvement.


And.
It’s just hair.
It grows back.
And please, please, let it grow in a hurry.

8 comments:

mommaof3 said...

All this and we don't even get a picture?

michelle said...

there will be NO PICTURES until some of this grows out.
If I get a scalp tattoo....I'll post that for sure (but don't hold your breath)

Dawn said...

Do you want me to start making appointments for you with Jennifer? :o)

BigMama said...

Your attitude toward hair exactly like mine. It's just hair. But even I have had the "ohmygodhowcouldtheydothistome" haircut once. Generally speaking, I go for dramatic changes when I get a haircut, but this wasn't dramatic, it was just terrible.

But here's to it growing out soon for you. I know about that trauma!

samskat said...

I feel your pain. I, too, have the "it's just hair" attitude. Only mine isn't laziness/cheapness...I hate my hair, and if you think you can make me not hate it, GO FOR IT. I am sorry we don't get to see pics....

samskat said...

BTW, I think you remember my triangle haircut from 8th grade??? Yeah, I rocked that...

KPHammer said...

there is a gal in nyc that i run into a lot who has an old world nautical map tattooed over her entire scalp - coolest thing i've ever seen. you could go that route if you decide against the dragon...

Margie said...

Oh my, I laughed at this. And empathized. My Worst Haircut Ever was two days before I started my first job. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without crying, so I simply stopped looking. Finally, someone recommended pre-natal vitamins to make it grow faster, so that's what I did. Eventually, like 6 months later, I began to look human again. Thank goodness. And no pictures were taken during my extended months of hair shame. I Get This Post.