she dared me

6 or so years ago I went to my first official high school soccer practice.
Well first one as the coach anyways.
Just a part-time assistant volunteer coach. But still a coach. I even bought a whistle.
I thought of all the people who encouraged me when I sucked. And the traditions and fun my old high school team had even when we lost almost every game.
And I cheered these girls on. I showed some of them how to shoot with the inside of their foot. I told them where to be on the field. I made others run for cussing and at the end we huddled up and I told them how excited I was to be there. How eager I was for their first game.
I went home on cloud nine and told my husband that I was born to do this and had a hard time going to sleep that night because I kept thinking about those 21 girls and anticipating our season ahead.

The next day around 3rd period I got an email that told me not to go to practice that day.
Or any day.

And I tried really really hard to not cry in front of all those kids who had no idea what I just read. But a few tears slipped out and I just tried to ignore them and distract myself with a boring lecture on thermodynamics.

Maybe I wasn’t born to be soccer coach after all.

Which makes me wonder what I was born to do...
I really like my job teaching high school.
I think it is important.
It is never boring.
And I love my students.
But I don't think I was born to do this.
And lately I just haven’t been here.
I mean I’ve been in the room. I’m still teaching solid lessons and my kids are still learning and having fun. I’m still trying to smile at them and ask how their weekend was and go to their plays…but my heart has drifted to other dreams.

Like writing and a few other adventures that I am even too afraid to pen here....

And I freaking LOVE Kelly Corrigan ( she wrote the Middle Place and had that amazing talk that was all over you tube before)…but this clip….I almost didn’t want to watch.
Because I am afraid to really whole-heartedly pursue what maybe I was born to do.
Because I really don't want to get another email telling me I'm not.

But you can't help but watch that video and try anyways.


Corinne said...

That piece is amazing. I read it last week and was so moved.
The unspeakable dreams... they're the ones to pay attention to.

samskat said...

Wow, that's pretty thought provoking....

Alyssa said...

This sums up where I'm at . . . still trying to figure things out. I think I needed that dare!