cold turkey

Tess has been pacifier free for over 72 hours.
I’m not sure who is suffering more.
Me or Her.

My little girl who used to go to sleep without even a whimper at 8:00 pm on the dot, now screams for over an hour first.
Even if I am holding her.
She searches everywhere in case she has just misplaced it.
Under the pillow, under the bed….hoping that she will find a pacifier there.
But mostly she just lays there and cries….….I mean screams.

Instead of seconds of bonding before bed we now have hours.
And last night as she lay there crying while I tried everything I could thing of
Reading, singing, praying, etc.
I thought about her loss a little.
And I was quickly losing patience, and lots of much needed sleep to this incessant crying.
Because to me, it is just a pacifier.
A baby phase that I wish we could hang on to for just a while longer…
But thanks to super sensitive skin and multiple ear infections the pediatrician encouraged us to let go now.
But to her it is her comfort.

And as she screamed.
I wondered if I should give something up too.
Something that is a bit of a false comfort to me.
Like caffeine or wine.
Or whatever your vice.
Books or blogging or facebook.
And I tried to pick something to give up.
and that was the word that did me in.
Because I can give up almost anything for a season.
But forever without coffee or cable and I just wasn’t sure I could do it.
I had a lot of time to think while she cried.
And listing my false comforts and facing my resistance to surrender them was not a pretty site.
I wasn’t that different from the red faced and snotty stubborn girl beside me looking in all the wrong places for her comfort.
So I held her and we cried a bit longer.
As a mother comforts her child,
so will I comfort you; Isaiah 66:13


Erin said...

So sorry! That is a hard thing to do. You are really a saint to do this over your Spring Break though!

Sarah said...

Keep truckin', girl. They eventually move on. Eventually.

Margie said...

Oh, gosh, if the pediatrician hadn't encouraged it, I would've said, "Let it take care of itself in time!"

But goodness. You've got a lot to deal with now, don't you?

Wondering, as I type, if you're still up with her. I'm sorry you're having to this, Michelle. I know it's not easy.

michelle said...

thanks for the encouraging words friends...and yes of course...i'm still up, but shaun eventually got her to crash....but I'm sure she will be up again soon.

mommaof3 said...

Aieeeee-----this is not encouraging to me ;) We have another month before we give it up.

I, of course, love your analogy. Your thoughts always strike a cord. Thank you for sharing, my friend.