big hair

No not me.
I haven't owned a bottle of hairspray since high school.
I won’t even mention the Stiff Stuff or bottles of foot long Vavoom I used back in the day for my 2 curls back one curl forward 80s bangs.
This post is about Beth Moore.
And well when I think Beth Moore, I think hair.
And of course Hebrew and Jesus and hard questions and margins and some serious study.
And part of me doesn’t want to like her.
Because she seems a little too something. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it is too Southern Baptisty or too perfect or perky or sappy. And I like to picture myself as a little more of an Ann Lammott than Beth Moore kind of girl.
But I every single book or study that she has written (and I have probably read close to a dozen) has spoken to me.

Big hair and all.

I have been reading her blog lately and bought her latest book so that I could participate in the study online.

And let me tell you this book has a giant picture of her and her slightly less big but still perfect hair on the cover.
And a really corny title, “So Long Insecurity, You’ve been a Bad Friend to Me”.
I was honestly embarrassed to purchase it.
Because well, if someone saw me standing in line with a giant book about insecurity...what would they think?

And I wasn’t really sure what I’d get out of it.
I mean I am pretty secure.
I mean I have had phases of insecurity and occasionally get self conscious.
But I am mostly ok.
I mean I could lose a few pounds.
I could clean out my car so that I am not humiliated when someone new climbs inside and has to sweep out the goldfish and empty cups and extra jackets just to find a seat.
I could have more in my savings account (like I could actually have a savings account).
I could spell better.
I could pray more.
I could teach like the teacher next door.
I could do something real with this writing rather than just pretending.
I could let my kids watch less cartoons.
……..oh gosh maybe I need to read this book after all.

But surely everyone thinks like this.
And I do have a lot going for me.
And for the most part I don’t care what other people think.
Or at least I try not to.
Or at least I try really hard to let on how much I really do care.

But oh my gosh.
There are too many different convictions and connections to write a single blog about all the things in just the first 4 chapters that have hit home.
So be warned. While I finish the book, I might be processing some of that here.
If I go on about my insecurities for a while. Don’t worry and gently hint in your comments that I might want to consider therapy.
This is my therapy.

So today I have caught myself wanting to read ahead.
Get as fast to the end as I can to find the answer.

And I have resisted that urge.
Mainly because I don’t want to read a book that way.

Looking for an answer.

It won’t be there.
Sure it will be full of insight and scripture and compelling stories. It will hit the nail on the head. It will be easy to read and relate to and funny and occasionally a little too corny for my tastes.

But the answer is somewhere a little closer than my bedside table but...
Much much harder to get to than reading a few chapters.

In other words don’t let the hair fool you.
My flat too-tired-to properly-do-most-days-hair.
Or Beth’s perfectly placed locks.
Because we all occasionally (or more than occasionally) look to the wrong places for security.
And there is really only one place to find it.

And here is a hint.
It is not in a book.
Or in a bottle of hair spray.