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shades of grey...or gray

The other day, I found my first true grey hair.
A big thick one that I am sure will be filled in with more as the year go by.
And lately, my hair isn't the only thing turning grey.

Back in high school, my world was pretty black and white.
Rap music was from the devil.
I thought pot really was the gateway drug.
I was super homophobic.
Anything over 1st base was a ticket straight to hell, or atleast guarenteed for teen pregnancy.
I wrote speaches in English class on prayer in school.
If they had those christian fishes eating a darwin fish ( the ones with legs) ...I probably would have put it on my car.
The tv show Friends was nothing but a bunch of fornicators ( even though I watched it religously).
And Micheal W. Smith could bring me to tears almost on cue.

I am not saying I was perfect.
I cussed like a sailor.
I snuck beer when I could.
and of course Dr. Dre and Snoop Dog couldn't be silenced for very long.
but at least I felt guilty for these things.
and my sins were the socially acceptable kind.

Most of my allusions were dumb and over simplified,
but I do miss the clarity.
Of knowing.
The clear lines of right and wrong and black and white....
that just seem to get more and more muddled and grey as I get older.
I realize I have less and less answers.
And maybe I had somethings right back in highschool.
but then again maybe I didn't.
Whose to say.
And my God isn't a God of rules.
so much as a God of love.
that part is crystal clear.

P.S. Before posting this…I thought I should look up how to actually spell grey. With an e or with an a. And turns out – both are right. Grey is usually how they spell it in England and it is gray in America. Do not miss the irony that they are both right. That even the word itself has more than one right answer.

Comments

Unknown said…
i love the connection you made here. and i certainly felt like i was back in h.s. while reading this.

eeks.

;)
February 23, 2010 at 5:33 PM
Unknown said…
Oh my, how profound this is! Those of us maturing through life can really connect with this. According to the grey or gray site I guess the spelling of the poem will change.
February 23, 2010 at 7:45 PM
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