Starbucks Stalker

I was meeting a friend at a Starbucks near her house. O was in crazy mode and she hadn't quite made I instead of jumping in line I told the man who walked in behind me to go ahead.
That I was waiting on someone.
Just so you can imagine the scenerio better he is mid-40s. 200ish pounds. dressed business wearing real shoes. The kind Shaun only wears to weddings.
My friend Julie pops in seconds later and I get behind him to order.
I order my obnoxious coffee ( a tall nonfat half-caf misto w/ 1 pump of hazlenut) and a milk for O.
The man who had been ahead of me, turns and asks if this ( and gestures to my friend Julie) is who I am meeting. I just assume they know each other b/c Julie seems to know everyone and this is HER starbucks.
I nod and expect them to start chatting, but he kind of stuns me and says,
"Oh, I assumed it would be a guy".
Slightly awkard. I chuckle avoid eye contact and joke to my friend Julie that this is where I have all my hookups and I always bring my toddler son along too.
Now, you need to know what I am wearing. I have woken up, skipped the shower, skipped the brush and opted for the shove all your hair in a ponytail holder style. no make up. no jewelry. If wife beaters came in hot pink.......that is what I have on. No bra, but the maternity tank top w/ the built in little shelf they claim doubles as a bra ( well it does if you are an A cup like me) that I slept in and the drawstring pants I have worn for the last 3 days in a row. Black crocs and a severely chipped home pedicure. Did I mention this is the begining of my LAST TRIMESTER and there is no denying the baby belly sticking out from my trashy tank.

I get my drink and try to direct Owen to a table to wait on Julie. While she orders, awkward man tries to make conversation.
He says, "now I'm not trying to offend you or hit on you look really sexy"
I throw up in my mouth a little and laugh awkwardly saying "thanks, I guess......maybe you missed the obviously pregnant belly"
he insists that he didn't miss it and that I am "glowing" which I take it to mean he can see my nipples showing through my 2 layers of tank tops ( mental note start sleeping in a bra or atleast put one on before leaving the house........yes......even for coffee.)
I try to have a conversation with my 3 year old, and stare down Julie who decides to wait at the counter for her drink rather than rescue her friend.
This man keeps talking about how sexy I am.
I stare deeply into my coffee and start pinching Owen so he will cry and create a diversion.
He is not getting the hint.
Finally Julie shows up and I can ignore him a little better.
We finish our coffee. I give O most of my iced lemon pound cake becuase suddenly I have lost most of my appetite.
I have no words for this experience except to quote Hillary Duff "oogie oogie oogie".

Later that night I recount the story to Shaun. Explaining that he should be nicer to me because strange men are hitting on me. I begin with the, "you are really sexy line" and my husband says numerous things like "Was he kidding?" " Did he not notice that you were pregnant" and "are you sure he was talking to you?"
It took about 20 minutes of the silent treatment for him to realize he had said anything wrong.


"Bluebonnet in the snow" said...

So glad you took the time to write this out. Still think that guy is messed up!