pool parties

This last weekend we went to 2 pool parties which has given me time to reflect on my body image. Normally I am a girl who is confident in her skin. As long as you can't see too much of it. I am ok enough with my body to not stress over an extra 5 or 10 pounds that sneaks on. To not ever pass up dessert. To not be religous about my trips to the gym. Ok to leave the house without make up or ironing ( well maybe that makes me lazy, not confident). But swimming pool season is too much for me.
I hate buying suits. I cringe when they put them out on display ...which seems to be getting earlier every year. I swear this year it was February. Trying them on is never ever fun. Although I do appreciate the trend over the last few years to sell tops and bottoms seperately. Because my top and bottom are opposite sizes. People say that a pear is the most healthy shape, but I think it is the version of "healthy" they use when referring to a chunky kid of baby.
This body that I am usually content enough in is suddenly horrifying in that closet of a dressing room under the flourescent lights, lycra and protective strip. I have even been known to cry. My body was made for jeans and sweaters. Maybe even an occasional tank top.....but not undergarments that will be passed off as proper swimming attire for an entire summer.
Let's start from the top. No boobs. These are essential in most women's bathing suits. Although after watching the olympic trials I'm thinking this flat chest might have been an assett and maybe I picked the wrong sport.
Next -- I am pretty sure that I got cellulite before I even got my period as a teen-ager. The hail damage has only gotten worse with age (and desserts).
I used to have a few coping mechanisms for my body inadequacies during swim season
1. shorts/skirts. The shorts kind of rub my fat parts raw and float up and drip when you get in and out of the water. The skirts are so grandma ( even the cute ones...and yes I still wear a swim suit w/ one). Ditto on the extra water and floating up.
2. Make a quick entrance and exit into the water. Go as far as possible w/ towel or cover up on, then return it to it's proper place around my waste ASAP. Keeping it within reach of the actual pool ledge is best. It is also important to get out of the water at an oppertune time. LAST or when everyone else is distracted. When not in pool keep butt firmly attached to a chair. Maybe when I get up and have waffle lines on my bottom no one will notice the other stuff.
3. I even tried making friends w/ my thighs. Anne Lammott wrote an entire chapter devoted to her thighs ( she calls them her aunties) and taking them to the beach. I could not embrace them. We are not friends. As a matter of fact, if they sold an expensive cream to get rid of them ( you know one that actually worked).....I would gladly trade in my car for a tube.
4. Avoid pools and people at the same time. This tactic actually worked for quite a while. UNTIL Owen!

Owen could live at the pool or beach all summer and has no regard for my above mentioned coping strategies. We are in and out of the pool 50X or more. I am chasing him all over showing my "aunties" as Anne would call them to everyone.

Being pregnant. Big pregnant for all of swimming season has only added to my woes. Some people think it makes it easier. You know, now I have an excuse. Yes I have an excuse for my bulging belly......but can I blame all my junk on the trunk on this new baby?
In addition to the usually dilemas I now have veracose veins. These are not what I used to think they were. I thought they were just spiderwebby viens...you know from like crossing your legs too much or something. No, mine are big and green and chunky. Your hips widen a bit when pregnant. I am also starting to waddle which only adds to my comical appearance. I haven't gained much weight this time around, but everything seems more cushiony. My belly is getting big enough that I can't see properly to shave. I miss entire sections of my leg....and don't even attempt anything above my knees.
Maternity swimsuits leave much too be desired in terms of style and hiding problem places ( besides a belly).

On the upside. My boobs have grown almost a full size. I am so damn hot I don't really care how I look in the suit. That and O is so cute splashing around and chasing me with a water gun that I almost forget about the hail damage.