Lately it has been cold and yuck and rainy.
Which means I have better luck running at the gym.
I hate running at the gym.
What I really like is to lace up my shoes.
Plug in my headphones and to take off down the driveway.
And not come back for an hour or more.
And although I like to do almost everything with other people.
And will gladly accept any offer for someone to run with me,
It is something I actually prefer to do alone.
At my own pace.
And I don’t run loops or circles or carefully plotted courses.
I like to get lost.
To run down roads I have never been down before.
To try and get as far away as I can.
But there is one problem.
I don’t always remember to leave anything in the tank to get back.
I run until I can’t anymore.
Until I’m a little dizzy or cramping or can’t push myself any further.
(and before you read this and think I am some super runner…keep in mind I max out around 5 miles..and often less...so I’m not talking super far or anything impressive)
But I run without thinking about how I am going to get home.
I just go.
And then I slow down the playlist and walk home.
And sometimes this is my favorite part.
Exhausted. With good music playing in my ear.
And my head clearing with each step.
I know this drives Shaun crazy.
And why he much prefers me to work out at the gym.
Where I never have to worry about how I’m going to get home.
And I wish I lived a little bit more of my life like that, though.
Without holding back.
Without saving anything for the return trip.
But all out. All in.
Instead I save responsibly for my future.
(well I’m trying to at least)
I protect a few corners of my heart.
And I take a lot of naps.
And those are good and healthy things.
And honestly things that I need to be better at.
What if I lived like I trusted in God instead of my bank account.
What if I lived like I didn’t care about people liking me back but just loved anyways the people who didn’t.
What if lived more like a simple carpenter who gave up everything for people who mostly didn’t get it.
A little more recklessly and a whole lot less selfishly.
Without worrying how I’m going to get home.
(so a friend asked for a blog out of me tonight. I really didn't have anything in me...so I asked for a topic. the truth is i have a whole file of potential topics...just none i really felt up to sorting through and processing tonight. tonight i needed something easy. she picked dolphins. i got even less on dolphins. so i picked the easist thing off my list and hopefully she will just have to settle for a picture)