pretty


I have some beautiful friends who don’t think they are pretty enough.
They have such a hard time with their body image. Even though their pant size is probably divisble into my own.
But I am ok with my body.
Mostly.
Except when Target puts out swimsuits in January. (not nice).

Or at least I think I am.
Because really, I don’t think about it much.
I buy my make up at the grocery store.
Get hair cuts once a quarter (or less).
Am not afraid to dye my own on a whim, or cut it all off.
Will wear the same jeans for 5 days straight.
And is not afraid to go to the grocery store in exactly what I slept in.

But maybe not caring.
Isn’t the same as being ok with it.
Maybe it is even worse.

The other day my friend asked me to “model” for a photography event she is doing.
I of course said yes because their isn’t so much I wouldn’t do for this friend.
But the request made me laugh and worry and wonder why she didn’t ask someone else.
Like some of our cuter, skinnier friends who know how to accessorize.

I figured that with me she was going for normal, or silly, or at least not something in animal print.

And I showed up.
Nervous and uncomfortable.

The other girls knew how to put on makeup. And had on dresses. And I’m pretty sure were about the size I was back in junior high.

And I got a little more uncomfortable and wished that my friend would offer me a big fat glass of wine. Especially when we pulled out the knee high boots that I couldn't even walk in.

Usually I am pretty outgoing and can make decisions but this was so out of my element and I had to ask for help and suggestions about everything. It is suprising that I even managed to button my own shirt.

So, my friend became my make up artist and helped me accessorize. And started snapping away with her camera.

And maybe it didn’t help that I was in a room full of size 4s with white shiny teeth. But it wasn’t so much the comparison that made me feel so insecure.

It was the mirror and the lens.

Which made me realize that it wasn’t so much that I am more okay and mature and healthy about my body, but that it is just something I avoid.
Something that I refuse to examine or face. To embrace, like Anne Lammot and her hips or to tackle, like my gym card that hasn’t been swiped in 2 months.
Or to really face the heart of and dig into verses like Genesis 1:27, or Psalm 139, or 1 Samuel 16:7…and so on.

And of course my friend got some good shots ( and she did some magic editing) and to be honest…body image isn’t really one of my big issues.
And yes, I have plenty of other issues.

The point is that we all have things that need to be laid in front of a mirror and examined and embraced and tackled.
Not just ignored because we don’t think about them.
Because we think we are okay.
Until someone breaks out a camera and shows you what you really look like.
Which is of course beautiful.
(ps. rhonda gets to the photocredits, for more check out her pretty stuff check out http://www.snapshotsonlocation.com/)

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