the other senses

I am a girl who likes to hang on to people.
In junior high and high school I didn't have flippant crushes I pined after the same boy(s) for years. About that same time I attached myself to important figures like camp counselors or YL leaders and missed them intensely while they were gone.
Shaun has provided me with stable and steady, but there are still people I miss.

It is funny how people you think about everyday start to fade. When I was 15 my camp counselor was the coolest person on the planet. I missed her so much that it hurt for the other 11 months of the year. I thought about her daily.
But then eventually I didn't. This figure that had been so important to me slipped and faded to the back of my mind. Now she only occasionally slips into my mind. Even then I couldn't describe her very clearly. Even most of the memories are fuzzy.

Friends are like that. Some of my most favorite and closest friends past are getting blurry. I find old highschool mementos and don't remember the inside jokes. Facebook is kind of bringing those things back. People I had completely forgotten existed are back. All I have to do is click on their profile and can see exactly what they look like. I can read their updates and have some idea at what they are like now. But it has its limits.

Today I had to "resynch" my ipod. Meaning everything on it had been erased. I didn't want to reaload everything so I just put a few new playlists on and headed out the door.
Somehow a podcast that I had never listened to ended up on there. A friend. One of the old fuzzy kinds had told me to listen to it. Something from her church. I couldn't remember what it was supposed to be about. I downloaded it at her suggestion months ago, but never quite got around to listening to it. Today when I got in the car it was the first thing to come on.
I had of course forgotten all about it and was confused to hear someone talking rather than blaring music coming out.
I glanced down at the screen and vaguely remembered downloading it in the first place. It was not my friend talking but some other random voice. I started to find a more favorable playlist and made a mental note to delete this....but the story kind of pulled me in and I found myself listening to this girl I didn't know talk about Africa. A few more minutes in the speaker handed over the mike and the voice got a little more familiar.
It was so strange. Ask me yesterday and I would only be able to give you vauge descriptions of her. Yes of course I have some crystal clear memories but all the basics are blurry. This was a fuzzy old friend that I loved and missed fiercely but was slipping from my mind space. But as she talked in my car she seemed perfectly clear. She talked about something important (something along these lines http://www.nothingbutnets.net/). Her talk was good. Well planned. Well delivered. Or at least the 2 minutes of it that I listened to before pulling into the drive was ...but I was distracted by suddenly how crystal clear she had become. I could picture her exactly as she talked. I smiled as she cleared her throat or sniffed because I could remember those everyday noises being hers not fuzzy or blurry or barely there or a girl I miss from time to time.

Facebook or myspace or blogs all make it easier to "keep in touch". To stay connected with peoples lives. To help us remember. With the click of a button we can see their new profile picture or read their current status...but it can't really compete with things like a smell,or a song or especially a voice.

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