The difficult kind

On Monday Tess had a doctor's appointment. The regularly-scheduled-healthy-4 shots kind. I couldn't wait. I had a list of questions. I am not normally the kind of mom that prepares a list of questions for each doctor's visit. At least I didn't with Owen. I am no rookie. Baby #2 is supposed to be a breeze. But so far nothing has been easy or what I expected.
Don't get me wrong. I have been blessed with a beautiful and healthy little girl ( unless you count the 3+ colds we have had so far).
But she has been tough.
In addition to her days and nights being backwards... she had some major aversion to her daddy. He would come home and pick her up and she would just scream. It was funny for a bit, but after a few weeks of it Shaun started to get his feelings hurt......and mommy was desperate for a break. She came around eventually.
She also decided to start rejecting the bottle THE exact week I went back to work ( and yes, she has had at least one bottle every day since the hospital). After buying every nipple they had at Babies R Us...we finally found one that she will tolerate....and no of course it does NOT work with all the expensive bottles we had for Owen.
Ok, I know you aren't supposed to compare kids...but..........
Owen was pretty laid back. Tess is super high strung. You can not lay her down for more than a few minutes ( if even that). She must be held and she must be moving. This means I spend most of the my time at home with her attached. Meaning I sport one of those really goofy lookin baby Bjorns.
Sleep...or my lack there of could fill multiple blog posts. I was totally spoiled before. Owen slept through the night at 8 or 9 weeks and pretty much stayed that way.
2 months came and went. Still waking up multiple times a night.
3 months.....still waking up.
4 months....last night she had me up 4X ( twice to eat!)
I am exhausted. My clothes are covered in spit up. I search the internet for topics like colic and reflux. Going out to eat usually doesn't end well. And I would love for an evening without screaming. This is going to be my difficult child. Stubborn impatient from day 1.

BUT she is easy to love.
The ability to love her comes just as easy and naturally as it did for my laid back "easy" firstborn.
Loving my children doesn't stem from what they do or don't do....or even how much sleep I am getting.

This is a relief to me. Because I think I might also be "the difficult kind".
To God. I am lazy and stubborn and screw up again and again. My hope is that I can be just as easy to love anyways.


HypnoMama said...

Everything has always been a battle with Keona. I like to tell myself that it is because she is a strong person.. and as women and mothers we need all the strength we can get.

Some days that doesn't work and it's all I can do to not pull my hair out.

She also demanded that I wear her alot and wouldn't sit in a stroller until the last couple weeks. She hated the car seat, but that is a whole other post.

Wearing her actually worked out well. You should get something more comfy then the baby bjorn. There are gorgeous slings on etsy..

They cover spit up very well and hide post baby weight. Everyone always compliments my lime sling.. it's my accessory nowadays. They have really fun mei tei's too if you need two shoulder support.

We cosleep. I'm still an all night buffett, but we do get more sleep that way. I think it also helps to fill her "love meter". Some days Im so touched out though. I hope Tess sleeps better for you soon. Keona slept great swaddled until 4 months. She woke up less during the night then. But she has been a hardcore teether. She is cutting her 2 year molars now. Got her first 2 teeth at 4 months. Could Tess be teething early?

Ahh the memories..

You might really like this book: