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showing off

I hit the 6 month mark a few weeks ago and almost none of my old clothes fit anymore. I have moved past the fat stage to the true baby belly stage. Tess herself has moved past cute little jabs and kicks in my abdomen to all out acrobatics resulting in back pain, shortness of breath, major heartburn ....just for starters. The sad thing is I know I am going to get much bigger and much more uncomfortable in the next 3 and a half months.
I would like to pretend that this belly doesn't slow me down. But it does. I would also like to pretend that it isn't affecting some of my friendships. But it is.
You see, it seemed I got pregnant this time just by thinking about it. I have several friends and aquatiences where that is not the case. They have spent thousands of dollars, long hours in a waiting rooms, and had some pretty humiliating office visits all to end up in the same disappointed place each month.
If you subscribe to any parenting magazines or websites you willl notice an article every few months or so about how to act or what to say to your friends who don't have (and don't want) kids yet and even some about how to treat a friend who had a miscarriage. Even a few on adoption. These topics get plenty of press and most people are sensative to those topics ( even though plenty of people still manage to say really dumb things). I have yet to see one article on how to act around your friends going through infertility, while your belly is bulging.
Don't get me wrong there are thousands of websites devoted to infertility and most of them are enough to make a girl crazy.............but girls like me don't go to those websites. And as shocked and thrilled as I was to see those 2 little pink lines I was also a little stunned and sad for my friends who have been trying so much longer.
We try to be helpful by asking questions, about treatments, about random studies or remedies we have heard about. But trust me these girls know. They are far more well-read than you are on the subject. So we ask about other options........but other options don't exaclty cut it when you want a baby. It is like promising a teenager a new car, and then offering them a bicycle.
I wish I had something more to offer about what to say or do. I am sure I have made my share of mistakes here............but my advice is to remember that your body may have been taken over but make sure your conversations aren't. It is ok to occasionally bring up dr's visits, paint colors and names, but find other things to talk about too. Movies, coffee, etc. Don't complain about how uncomfortable you are or how fat you feel. It is like eating a BigMac in front of a starving person and complaining about the way it tastes. Spend hours talking about stretch marks or breast feeding with someone else.
On the flip side, don't feel bad or guilty about your joy. Revel in it and cherish it and use it to help you forget about the heartburn.

Comments

Alyssa said…
I'm so glad you wrote down your thoughts on this issue and hope you'll get the opportunity to expand it into a published article at some point.
June 21, 2008 at 2:22 PM
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