Skip to main content

forgetting defines me

I am really good at forgetting.

I forget where I put my keys. And my copies. And any official form I was supposed to fill out and return.
I forget to pay the water bill.
I forget my passwords.
I forget friend’s birthdays.
I forget meetings.
I forget that I was supposed to bring the snack to my son’s soccer game.
I forget to take the clothes out of the washing machine and put them in the dryer. For like a week. And then they have that horrible mildewy smell that is almost impossible to get rid of.
I forget to think before I speak.
I forget to charge my phone.
And I occasionally forget my way.
Both literally and figuratively.

And mostly I feel that these are due to my lack of organizational skills.
That maybe if I put everything in my calendar, like my husband keeps begging me to do, that I would be better about remembering.

And let’s be honest.
I am selectively forgetful.
Meaning I almost never forget a coffee date.
Payday.
When my favorite show comes on.
The lines to my favorite songs.
Or what chapter I am in the middle of even if I didn’t mark the page.
I would never forget a massage or hair appointment even though I never seem to remember to go get my allergy shots.

And that ugly comment that my husband let slip. I totally forgot and forgave him.
Until a month later when I am mad at him again. And then I remember. That comment that I forgot and a dozen others.
And an unhealthy friendship that was extra rocky. And I keep seeming to forget the rocky and pursue the parts that were good. And we hit another rock. And then I remember every little bump.
And I go out and do and say things and I totally know better. But I forget how much I am going to regret it the next day. Or after the text has been sent or the words that slipped. Or I have another pounding headache. And then I remember. And am sorry. And am really hoping that someone else will be willing to forget. Again.

And I am pretty sure that I treat my God like He forgets too.
I ask the same things over and over. Like He somehow forgot about me.
I keep saying I am sorry for the same stuff. Hoping He forgot that we have already had this exact same conversation. Just yesterday.
I doubt and question and wonder or worry, and think that maybe just this once, that He maybe fell asleep on the job.
And I forget about the ridiculousness of his love and grace and all the time I am trying to be enough. By myself. And that I can’t and never will be. But He always is.

And I know he is omnicient and all, but maybe God is a little bit selectively forgetful too.
That He never forgets me and never lets me go.
But that he gladly removes my sins. As far as the East is to the West.
And I’ve never really been good with directions.
But I’m pretty sure that is a distance that I’ll never span.
(Psalm 103:12)

Comments

This Heavenly Life said…
I love this, Michelle. I really, really hope God is selectively forgetful, too. Choosing to gracefully cover my mistakes -- the same ones I made last week.

Lovely post :)
February 8, 2011 at 6:21 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

multiple choice

As I write I am procturing a test ( yes on a Saturday, and no I am not getting paid for it.) The room is silent. The only noises I hear are pencils scratching on papers and pages turning. If I listen closely enough I swear I can hear their brains turning. I have always been a good test-taker. I would still regularly brag about my SAT scores if it wre socially appropriate to do so(or an actual indicator of anything meaningful). There is something comforting about multiple choice. (well as long as you don't have the crappy all of the above or none of the above choices...just the classic A, B, C, D variety). There are parameters. Multiple choice means you have options. The right answer is right in front of you, and all you have to do is find it. Even if you don't actually know which one the right answer is there are usually clues, it can be narrowed down or worked backwards. Even a blind guess is likely to be right 25% of the time. These aren't bad odds. All you have t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Turning the question

My school has been sending me to some inquiry training. The “i” word has been thrown around since my education classes in college. It is one of those things that is really good as a concept but kind of hard to pull off in the classroom well. For lots of reasons. But the big one number is because teachers are reluctant to let go of the control. To let the kids loose with a concept and see where they end up. Let them discover, own it and share out all on their own. Without intervening. Then push them a little bit further and clear up any misconceptions that they are holding onto before they slip out your door. This is supposed to be the most meaningful way for a kid to learn. For them to discover rather than memorize. One of the other problems with inquiry and science is that kids have stopped learning how to ask questions. My son bombards me with whys all day long. Why are owls nocturnal? (which comes out a lot more like “not-turtles”) Why do I have to take a shower? Why ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Meet the teacher

People keep asking me how I am or if I am going to cry. And few weeks ago, I kept saying no. I mean, I am used to dropping Owen off everyday at school. Or I’m at least used to Shaun dropping him off. I am used to school. I do it everyday. But. The first day is Monday. His and mine. And I am not ready. And I don’t just mean that my syllabus isn’t copied and that there are boxes all over my room. That would be true. But I am having doubts about my kid entering this world. The kind with lockers and buliten boards and hall passes. And tests. A world where from now on, he will be receiving a grade. Where he will be compared, judged, scolded, and ranked. We met his teacher the other night. Turns out I taught her son not too many years ago. Owen was off playing within seconds with a friend from his soccer team. Tearing the room apart. Ecstatic when he saw a big tub of legos. He will be just fine. But I wasn't so sure about me. I was suddenly filled with questions. The basic ones. Like how...
7 comments
Read more