|Tess 4 months|
When I had kids my world changed. Everything changed.
I mean I don’t go to nearly as many movies. I can’t just take off for a run whenever I want. I buy a lot more fruit snacks and Capri suns. I try to be a little more responsible with my money. I go through a lot more drive thrus. I watch more cartoons. I have to watch my step in the middle of the night not to step on legos and hot wheels.
I often feel guilty for it not changing enough.
I still have coffee with friends. I still go on dates with my husband. I still run races. I still read lots of books. I still don’t make my bed. I still go on the occasional road trip. Without my kids. I have missed a few soccer games. I don’t play kids music in the car (although there are a few songs that I have to skip).
And 90% of the time I feel ok about that.
That I am teaching my kids that they are important.
But maybe they aren’t the center of the universe.
That I am showing them how to cultivate their own relationships and interests.
That I am showing them what it means to be a wife, and a friend and a pursuer of Christ and not just a mom. But really they are just 5 and 2. And maybe it is less about that and more about me not being able to handle one more episode of Dora. So that other 10% I feel guilt.
And sometimes I sit in groups of women my age. And I struggle because I don’t want to talk about breast feeding. Or preschool. Or the latest PTA meeting that I didn’t go to.And trust me. My kids are cute. And funny. And I can babble on and on about them. And occasionally I do.
But sometimes I don’t want to.
Sometimes I want to talk about music. Or books. Or movies I want to see but probably won’t get to. Sometimes I want to go out to eat without my kids in tow.
And we dance in the living room. And we play Uno. And we go to the zoo.
All four of us.
But sometimes it is nice to just be two. Or even just one.
And so tonight I googled it.
I typed in “what does the bible say about parenting”
And was surprised at the lack of verses.
And how most of them were about disciplining and teaching your children.
Not so much about if I should feel bad about a girls night.
Or a trip to visit a friend.
Or not volunteering at the PTA carnival.
And so maybe a baby doesn’t have to change absolutely everything.
Except the size of my heart.
That has grown infinitely larger.
|owen 3 months|