wasting time...follow up to week 5

(Week5)

Let me be up front that I am a cheater.
This should be obvious to that noticed that I didn’t post anything yesterday.
A girl using her time wisely shouldn’t miss her weekly Sunday post.
…..but I had an exceptionally busy weekend.
And I am a complete cheater.
I checked my facebook and google reader almost everyday.
Even on my so called days off.

But maybe I spend a few minutes rather than the better part of an hour there.
I was amazed at how hard it was to not come home and plop myself down in front of the computer.

My kids watched less cartoons.
I graded more papers.
We danced in the living room.
I cooked dinner. Real dinner, vegetable included.

Overall. I got more stuff done.
And my son didn’t have to say,
“Mommy, I’m talking to you! Pay attention!”

And yes, I was available to help a few people out.
I didn’t do anything spectacular.
I delivered a meal and I babysat for someone on Owen’s soccer team.
Neither of which I wanted to do.
Or were for a good friend that I was happy to serve.

But I couldn’t help but think that
That was exactly what this time had been carved out for.

The babysitting gig was especially tough.
I mean the kid was nice enough.
Owen loved having a friend over.
and the parent thankful.
but it kept me up a few hours past my bed time.

So as this kid up polished off the nilla wafers, downed the last of our milk and told me for at least the dozenth time that he wasn’t going to sleep I tried to remember that this wasn’t “my time”, but time I had gladly given away.
I was annoyed. I was tired. I really just wanted to go to bed.
I kept waiting for the warm-fuzzy-happy-I-am-doing-a-good-deed feeling to come over me.
Instead I just kept getting more tired and impatient.
I was also a little disappointed.
Why hadn’t God used me to do something really cool?
Rather than just babysit and pick up dinner for some people I barely knew.

Well because then it would have been about me.

And well. Serving isn’t supposed to warm and fuzzy and happy.
It is mostly just supposed to be work.
Although the fuzzy warm stuff is an occasional side effect.
Giving is meant to be about the giving.
Not what I hope to receive or learn or get recognition for.

(and stay tuned…..week 6 is coming. Tomorrowish.)

4 comments:

Beth (and Eric) said...

God has used you to do really cool things! Are you calling me a dork?! ;)

Alyssa said...

You get props from me for your honesty and for being yourself. Your obedience was a blessing whether you felt it or not.

michelle said...

beth...you were on a Thursday...my time :) not the MWF bit......and you were fun.

and thanks for the encouragement Alyssa

Erin said...

Even in the day to day things (the hum drum stuff) I think God is using you in a really cool way!