The old “when God closes a door he opens a window”.
Open windows I can handle.
But what about when God opens the door, lets you get just a peak at what’s on the other side and then slams it in your face.

That is what has left me a bit reeling this morning.
Because I feel like God is so ridiculously good to me.
I am not always so good to him.
I am searching for what it is I am supposed to do.
How I am supposed to serve.

And just when I go out on a limb and am obedient.
Which is scary.
But feels so good. Because for a rare moment you are doing exactly what it is that you are supposed to do.
The stars align and you know it isn’t the stars and then,
The door slams.
Right on your nose.
With no windows in sight.
And it hurts so much more than it should.

And there is always the question….
Is God closing this door?
Am I supposed to start looking for my windows.
Checking my motives.
Should I placate myself with holding up my end of the bargain.
Finding whatever lesson it is that I am supposed to learn.
(which that last sentence implies that it is indeed about me)
Which maybe it isn’t. And maybe that’s the whole point.

Or instead maybe I am not supposed to roll over.
Maybe I am supposed to push the damn door down.

But how are we to know?
When to start looking for windows…
Or pushing down doors….