ignoring the obvious

Less than one month to go on the baby countdown. ( let me preface this rant with the fact that I am super grateful for this gift and thankful for a baby.....just not a fan of the belly or the attention that it brings).
Now that school has started though I kind of want to draw less attention to it.
I mean, random people rub my belly. Kids I don't know walk by and point it out. And everyone wants to know how I "feel". I say fine or good....which is no where near the honest truth......but I don't think the secretary really wants to hear about my hemroids ( nor, probably did anyone reading this). People stop and tell me how "cute" I look .....but when they say cute they don't mean that my hair or outfit looks great -- but that my belly button is sticking out.
Some of my kids look on in fear.......not because I am lighting the desk on fire but because they think I might drop this baby any second. Right there on the lab room floor. And sometimes I feel like I might. I better not, childbirth was not covered in the safety video.
I am thankful to only be on the second floor. I still try to not sit down ( like any good teacher in the first few weeks). The bathroom ( well the staff one) is so far away that I try to ignore the fact that I have to pee every hour and just pray I don't sneeze. When I drop something, I actually bend over and pick it up. I usually insist on it......even though this is excrutiating. Today, I helped unload books. Oddly, no one even tried to stop me. I even managed to be talked into dancing in a pep rally. First of all I don't dance in public period ( well not without liquid encouragement), much less 9 months pregnant. Apparently I have one week to learn how to "walk it out"... I think it might be more like "waddle it out". I run into desks and tables and even kids because I don't quite realize how big I am. I swear I even caught myslef sucking in once this week.
I am a bit puzzled by my behavior. Like pretending and acting like I am all full of energy and fine makes me tough or better or more of a woman....than the other whiny pregnant women in my building. When I get home I don't care about tough. I turn on cartoons for Owen, get him whatever un-nutricous snack he asks for. Make something really easy for dinner ( thank you costco)....and put my swollen feet up and usually talk Shaun into rubbing them. I like to be in bed by 9:30 so I can wake up at 5:30 and pretend all over again.
Maybe part of this act is to convince myself. Complaining and indulging will not make the time pass faster. It won't make me teach any better.....although it might get me a little more sleep and less back pain. Next time someone ( besides Shaun) offers to pick up or carry something for me, I will let them. I will sit down, even for just a little while in every class. I will pee between classes.....even if it makes me late. I will try not to flinch when someone tells me how cute I look, or starts rubbing, or uses words like "prego" or "preggers" or asks me if I am about to pop. I will still tell half truths when they ask how I feel......and I just might even stop concentrating so hard on not waddling as I walk down the hall.


Alyssa said...

You continue to crack me up! Is it safe to say that the a/c has been fixed, as you mentioned sleeping from 9:30-5:30?

michelle said...

yes, AC is up and running. Go Shaun. And I should ammend the sleeping from 9:30-5:30 by adding at least 3 potty breaks interuptions.