i'm for sale. (black friday special)

I have a friend that I like a lot. She doesn’t live close and I see her almost never. But she knows I run lots of little races and asked me about a month ago if I wanted to run a half marathon with her.
I said yes with little hesitation.
Partly because there isn’t so much she could ask me to do that I wouldn’t say yes to. And partly because it meant hanging out with her and possibly fitting back into my skinny jeans.
I am not much of a detail girl so the fact that it is a good 10 miles longer than the majority of races I run didn’t really stress me at the time.
One little detail did make me panic.
I had to be part of a team. A team that I agreed to try and raise money for. And even though it was for a ridiculously good cause. This little detail rather than the 13.1 miles with hills (lots of hills!) made me break into a little mini panic attack. Kind of like when someone asks me to go swimming with them. But worse. In other words, I think I’d rather wear my swimsuit in public than ask my friends for money.

 So a while back I made it official. I signed up for the race. I signed up for Team World Vision. I just didn’t ask anyone for money. I thought that maybe I’d ask for that for Christmas. That not getting Christmas presents would be admirable. And I have all kinds of stuff, it’s not like I really need anymore. And I did email my inlaws and my siblings (even though I don’t think we get each other gifts anyways) the website, but when my parents called and asked what I wanted, before I could stop myself I accidentally said an ipad2.

 So then I started to try and think of marketable skills. That maybe I could “earn” the money I was supposed to be raising. And I’m pretty sure that I am too old for a paper route. I am a sucky babysitter. Unless you like your kids watching cartoons, eating happy meals and coloring on the furniture…and then I am at your service. And I might have a masters degree, but not so many practical skills. So I mentally ran through my resume.

 When I was in middle school I cleaned my neighbors house for 20$ a week. I mostly played her cd collection and ran the vacuum across the floor so it left those little marks. Sometimes I didn’t even plug it in. I sprayed plenty of lemon pledge and windex so it would smell clean. But smelling clean and actually dusting aren’t exactly the same thing and I was fired pretty fast.  My parents used to pay me a buck for each Christmas present I wrapped. Which I also did poorly. I even wrapped my own presents which I’m now thinking I should have charged double for. And my dad would also offer to pay me a dollar to run my fingers through his toes. I’m sure that no amount of money I earned for that will ever pay for the therapy I will need later. In high school I occasionally played Christmas carols at banks or the occasional wedding reception. For the bargain price of 20$ a gig. But my violin hasn’t been touched in a while and I think mostly people would pay me not to play at this point. I also worked at Dairy Queen, TJ Maxx and Putt Putt. In other words – I can make a blizzard, fix a jammed batting cage (yes while people were still batting) and do not think I learned any real skill from TJ Maxx. Except that you should never under any circumstance touch money that a large woman pulls out of  her bra.

So back to the drawing board for money making skills. I don’t clean well. I don’t drive well. I can’t paint. I can’t draw. I can’t do your taxes (but both my parents are CPAs if that counts). I can’t decorate cakes or arrange flowers or organize closets. I would be a disaster at selling make up because I barely know how to put it on. If you've seen the inside of my car you wouldn't even consider asking me to wash yours.
This is getting depressing and I think maybe I should focus on the things that I can do:
I can make cool things with modge podge. I can read really fast. I can write long nonsensical emails in way less time it takes someone to read them. I can simplify complex equations. I am good at crosswords. I am a fast shopper. Still. Doubtful that anyone is willing to pay me for any of those things.

But I settled on a few marketable skills that I am willing to do for a donation

1)      I can cook. People never believe this. And assume that this, like most of my domestic skills, is lacking. They are wrong and I’m happy to prove it. Just tell me what you like. I do not, however, bake. That requires following directions which I do not do well. So I mean this. I will cook and deliver dinner (within a 20 mile radius). Just like Pizza Hut, but I’ll need more than 30 minutes notice.

2)      I can take pictures. Now do not for a second think you are getting some cheap photography deal. I am in no way pretending to be a photographer. I do have lots of photographer friends and one of their fancy hand me down cameras. I shoot mostly in auto and don’t know how to use photoshop. But I do edit a little and am free (well, like a car wash is free…) And I’m probably better than the self timer on your camera.

And if you don’t live anywhere near my zipcode….

3)      The other skill I have been well known for since I was a teenager and got a stereo with a double cassette deck is that I make a mean mix tape. And these days it has been upgraded to cd which I can mail anywhere….I’ll also throw in a book. Because I have lots of those laying around. And I don’t mean a book I wrote. I mean a book I probably bought at half price or in the sale section of Mardel or borrowed from a friend and never returned.

So if you are interested in any of those things….or want me to make you a blizzard….
Donate here: http://support.worldvision.org/site/TR?team_id=26640&fr_id=1471&pg=team
And email me here: shaun.michelle@sbcglobal.net and I’ll take care of you.

The race isn’t til February. So you have lots of time to cash in on me. Tell your friends that I’m cheap. (yes, that was a bad joke….notice I didn’t list good joke teller as one of my marketable skills). Until then, I might want to think about how I’m going to run those 13.1 miles without puking. Ok. I will probably puke at least once. I’ll aim for without dying.