I get invited to a lot of little kid birthday parties. And I almost always go, present in hand.Because my kids love them. And I love my friends. And who doesn’t like cupcakes.
But, parts of me despise these parties.
Really. I’d rather go to WalMart with both kids than to a toddler birthday party on a Saturday.
And today’s party wasn’t so bad. It was a close friends which meant I knew a lot of people there so I had plenty of people to talk to instead of having to pretend to text the whole time. I even raced one of them on the bounce house obstacle course and possibly threw out my back. The teenage worker was also prepared to lecture me for not wearing socks and taking out a small child on the way.
But, normally little kid parties are full of all kinds of landmines…
1. Chuck E Cheese. --- I don’t think I need to say anything else about that.
2. Awkward small talk with moms I don’t know. This is my least favorite part. And I often volunteer to take pictures just to avoid as much of it as possible.
3. I have two kids. I can’t watch them both at once. 90% of the time I’m gonna keep my eye on the little one which may mean my older one is running around crazy. And he probably is. Don’t judge.
4. And often those other moms at the party. They totally judge.
5. My little one, even when I am watching her will probably take her clothes off at least once.
6. She will also ask to go potty at least 5 times. She might go one out of the 5 times. but the one time I don't take her she will wet her pants out of spite.
7. She will also steal someone’s cupcake.
8. I might even steal someone’s cupcake.
9. Any craft involving paint. (neatness is not a skill either of my kids…or their mom have).
10. Any game involving listening. (listening is not a skill either of my kids…or their mom have).
11. The teenagers running the party and telling me and my kid what to do, there is a good chance I have taught one of them. It is hard to look them in the eye after they have scolded me on the bounce house or seen me sporting a Scooby Doo mask.
12. Party favors. Really. Please don’t give us any more junk. We have enough in our house already. Save your money and don’t send us home with any more crap. Extra cupcakes and balloons however, are always appreciated.
13. I take back what I said about balloons. If they actually make it into the car without being popped or accidentally set free, my kids like to let them go in the house and cry until I climb on the counter or a chair and almost bust my face trying to get it down.
14. Sugar coma on the way home. About half the time ends in a nap (fantastic)…the other half ends is absolute meltdown. Sometimes my kids even meltdown too.
And if you are reading this and I’ve been to one of your kid’s parties in the last few years….please don’t scratch us from the invitation list. Don’t punish my kids for their mom’s whiny behavior. It may give me a rash but my two love nothing more than a giant talking rat, bounce houses, and goody bags full of tattoos and candy and dollar store toys.
Although, I think that maybe after today I may no longer be welcome back to Pump It Up. I, also fully recognize that I am the biggest hypocrite and have forced at least 90% of the above listed complaints onto my own friends for my kids’ parties. And that maybe having a petting zoo in the backyard for your son’s 2 year old birthday party is a little over the top. What can I say. They only get one a year. The grown ups can suffer. And I promise to always have plenty of cupcakes.
And good tunes. Although this list doesn't promise to be toddler appropriate....and is so not my normal folky list. pure pop party songs only :)