Skip to main content

gotta get through this

Lately that has been my mantra.
I just need to get through this.
This week.
This current sickness.
This icky stuff at work.
This deadline.
Through this period.
Surely soon there will be rest.
A pedicure, or at least a good eyebrow wax.
A nice glass of red wine.
A nap in the middle of the afternoon.
An evening of 8 solid hours of sleep.
A date night.
The only problem is that "this"
whatever it is that I am trying to get through
keeps turning into something new.
Some other "this" to get through.

It has been a rough patch.
But just getting through
is not how I am supposed to live.
Just getting through is not enough.
The dangling carrot of a nap or some other simple reward
should not be what gets me out of bed.

This is not enough.
Just drudging through means that surely I am missing the rewards.
The coos and giggles in between the projectile vomiting.
Memorizing all the words to Owen's new favorite book ( "I love you stinkyface").
Listening to Shaun read Hank the Cowdog (complete with voices)
everynight to him until he falls asleep.
While I slip out and run to the store to buy calimine lotion or children's motrin or pedialyte.
The way Tessie's face lights up when she sees her brother.
Her brother that I hope and pray doesn't give her chicken pox.
Counting her perfect 10 toes one minute
and praying please Lord, "just make her stop crying for 10 minutes" the next.

If all I did was just get through this ...
I would miss all of that.
So yes, we will get through this.
I say we because I can't do it alone.
I need my amazing husband who is always willing to shoulder more than his portion of the load.
My patient friends who meet me for coffee.
Watch Tess while I lay in bed with 103 fever.
Who order me pizza.
And my God.
Who doesn't mind my continal pleas for help.
Who is happy when I throw up my hands and admit that
No, I can not get through this by myself.
That this is too big. too much. and I am way way too tired.
Because then I am relying on Him.
Because then it is not about me.
Because then it really isn't about this anymore.
And I can take a deep breath.
And my chest doesn't feel tight.
And my stomach doesn't burn.
And I start to notice all of that.
The giggles and the coos and the stories and the smiles.
The good stuff.
The stuff I want to soak in and roll around in and not miss a second of.
Even if that means that nap I have been aching for
will have to be postponed
until summer.

Comments

Dawn said…
Keep thinking beach and drinks with fun umbrellas. It's making it easier for me to "get through this"!
April 15, 2009 at 8:38 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

multiple choice

As I write I am procturing a test ( yes on a Saturday, and no I am not getting paid for it.) The room is silent. The only noises I hear are pencils scratching on papers and pages turning. If I listen closely enough I swear I can hear their brains turning. I have always been a good test-taker. I would still regularly brag about my SAT scores if it wre socially appropriate to do so(or an actual indicator of anything meaningful). There is something comforting about multiple choice. (well as long as you don't have the crappy all of the above or none of the above choices...just the classic A, B, C, D variety). There are parameters. Multiple choice means you have options. The right answer is right in front of you, and all you have to do is find it. Even if you don't actually know which one the right answer is there are usually clues, it can be narrowed down or worked backwards. Even a blind guess is likely to be right 25% of the time. These aren't bad odds. All you have t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Turning the question

My school has been sending me to some inquiry training. The “i” word has been thrown around since my education classes in college. It is one of those things that is really good as a concept but kind of hard to pull off in the classroom well. For lots of reasons. But the big one number is because teachers are reluctant to let go of the control. To let the kids loose with a concept and see where they end up. Let them discover, own it and share out all on their own. Without intervening. Then push them a little bit further and clear up any misconceptions that they are holding onto before they slip out your door. This is supposed to be the most meaningful way for a kid to learn. For them to discover rather than memorize. One of the other problems with inquiry and science is that kids have stopped learning how to ask questions. My son bombards me with whys all day long. Why are owls nocturnal? (which comes out a lot more like “not-turtles”) Why do I have to take a shower? Why ...
Post a Comment
Read more

pursue something else.

Americans like the idea of happy. of pursuing happiness. It is even one of our inalienable rights at least according to the Declaration of Independance. But I think maybe we should pursue something else. like love or joy or peace or contentment. and leave happy alone. Don't read me wrong. I am neither bitter nor cynical. Even my problems are good problems. I am positive. Half full. And most days I laugh a whole lot more than I cry. And simple things like a dance party in the living room, an hour alone in Barnes and Noble, the yellow pajama pants my son picked out for me for mother's day, potstickers, clean sheets, someone surprising me with coffee, jeans fresh from the dryer, a good song on the radio, or squeals of delight when I walk in the door all make my heart sing. They make me happy. For a minute. But when the squealing turns to screaming, my new pants are dirty, the sheets are in a jumble on the floor or the coffee runs out....where does that leave me? And happy isn'...
22 comments
Read more