breastfeeding nazis

They are out there in full force.
When you are pregnant people feel free to touch you, comment on how you are "carrying" or how wide your hips are. This is odd to me, but not nearly as odd as some of the comments you get after the baby gets here.
It starts when the lactation consultant walks into the room. The birthing/hospital experience is humiliating enough w/out some granola woman squishing my boobs, rubbing lotion on my nipples and showing me over and over how my newborns lips should be flush against my chest. She does all this with no concern as to how many people are in the room. She talks fast, I mostly just say yes. I know not to question or argue with this woman. What follows is about an hour long conversation about the merits and ease of breastfeeding with my mother-in-law. I disagree.
Every nurse and/or doctor seems to ask 2 questions before going any further. The first one is "When was your last bowel movement", and the second is "are you breastfeeding" or some slight variation. Both are questions I could do without.
On one of my first outings, someone commented that my shirt ( buttons down the top half) was perfect for breastfeeding, and you are breastfeeding aren't you. Then proceeded to tell me how great and easy it is.
So. Here it is. I am breastfeeding. I have shed my shirt in front of doctors, nurses, all family members, and a few friends. So far in only one public place.....but I am sure that number will increase soon. BUT, and this is a strong BUT.....you can't make me like it. Yes, I will use pacifiers. Yes, I will pump and let my husband give her a bottle. Yes, I will occasionally give her formula.
No it is not "easier". It sucks. It hurts. and it is kind of embarrassing. I did it for a little over 3 months with O and was so glad to have my body back. Happy with my small deflated chest. To not spray the mirror when I got out of the shower or leak or let down anytime I heard a baby cry. Owen thinks the breast pump is the funniest thing ever and I might agree if it weren't my body hooked up to it. Did I mention I hate milk. Milk is gross and I am not happy to be a producer of it. It stinks. Like sweaty socks. It really is just really fancy sweat anyways.
So for all you breast feeding nazis out there, back off. I will do it. This time for even longer. Not b/c of your persuading or pamphlets. I'd rather not talk about it or have you ask if my nipples are cracked. (yes). Don't shame me if I break out the formula or fully enjoy the process. It is good for the baby. Good for me. Did I mention it is free. And if I have to be awake in the middle of the night. It helps to have a cute little baby curled up in a ball on my shoulder after a feeding.