new part two,the down side

a few weeks ago i wrote about all the fantastic things of something new.

scrap it.

Last week I started a new amazing job. I kept waiting for the catch. the pay was better. My schedule was better. The oppertunity to advance was better. The setting was better. The support was better. Everyone was so nice. It all made me want to be even better.

And then the catch. Purely by accident I discovered that I will be teaching 2 TAKS math classes. Keep in mind this is Friday and school starts Monday and that I am a science teacher. Now to be fair, I am the TAKS girl on campus, but no TAKS classes, particuarly not non subject area classes were ever part of the deal. I fell apart. No materials, No background, and No time and 50 kids. I did what anyone else in my postion woulld do -- my chin started to quiver. I couldnt control it and next thing i knew i was doing something i had NEVER EVER done in my 8 years of teaching. I cried in front of an administrator ( and about a dozen others). Now, it is no secret that teachers (especially new ones) often cry on the way home....but you never lose it in front of your class or your principal. If I see a teacher crying before school even starts I start taking bets on whether or not she will make it to the end of the year. I am not usually a crier anyways, but here I was all red eyed trying to get a pull it together without much success.

I have confidence in my experience and knowledge. God wants me to have confidence in him.
I have all these great ideas and pursuits and goals. God has other ideas.
I am so excited about my new great kids. God says, these other kids, the ones some people think aren't so great, need you more.
I can write science lesson plans in my sleep. God has a new plan.
I am starting to regret coming here. God says trust me.
This isn't what I agreed to. God says I never promised it would be easy.
I was comfortable. God says to grow.
I am so scared. God says good, now maybe you will rely on me rather than your own abilities.
I can't do this. God says you're right, but we can.

I hate new and sure hope God knows algebra.

1 comments:

"Bluebonnet in the snow" said...

M - That stinks, plain and simple. The old bait and switch tactic is supposed to be reserved for use by unscrupulous salespeople, not a school administrator who offers a teacher a cool new position. The good thing is that I bet your partner God aced algebra!