hopeful still

know it is Sunday, and we are already on to week 2 of Advent (Peace), but I just read this......and have to post it here.
It is written by my friend Beth, that many of you read about here.
I have been really pondering on these words ( hope, peace, joy and love)….and struggling to try and tell you what they mean and how to be them. To really offer up hope and peace and joy…and I have been coming up a little short. These little nouns and how to be them are more than I can wrap my words around.

But hope. I thought of Beth. She has been down an ugly path this last year. And she is so so sad. But she is also hopeful. I like that she doesn’t pretend and trade one out for the other. Her grief is real and visible on her face even these many months later when the condolences have stopped coming. But she also smiles and laughs and keeps living.
That is some ridiculous hope. And here is what she had to say……..

You can hope for silly things. Like, I hope Texas Tech wins the Big XII. And, you can hope for important things. Like, I hope my daughter grows up to be a good person. But, the hope I'm talking about is that thing -- the gas that keeps us moving. Our reason for being.

It was the worst day of my life. And, I hope it will be the worst day I ever have on this earth. I knew he wasn't moving. I knew when I got to the hospital that they wouldn't find a heartbeat. My 35 week old son's heart stopped beating inside of me. I held him in my arms and weeped. I was empty as Michelle so honestly wrote about in her blog "For Tucker". Not a day goes by that I don't picture his face, and miss him, and want to hold him. But, I know that all of this sadness is just for me, and that my little Tucker is in a better place. I know that he never had to experience the hardships of this world that I will never be able to protect my daughter from. I know that there are much more beautiful lullabyes in Heaven than I could ever sing. And, I know I'll see him again some day. That's what keeps me going. The possibility of having another child who needs me. The promise of eternal life with my son. I've been reading a lot of blogs written by men and women who lost an infant due to still birth or other reasons. Many have tattoos and many of those tattoos say or symbolize Hope. Some people didn't have names picked out for their children, and named their still born daughters, "Hope". What is it about loss and despair that would inspire HOPE?

I am so glad that Jesus was born. If Jesus was never born, I wouldn't have the promise of Heaven, and I wouldn't know where my son is, and I wouldn't know that I will get to see him again and hold him again some day. The fact that Jesus was born onto this earth -- the Word became flesh -- is the ONLY reason that I have any hope at all. This world is not all that there is. This is not the end. We have eternal life, and that is what I can put my hope in.

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for." Which means that it's not just something that we know is going to happen, but it's something that we WANT!

I used to hate change. I used to despise the fact that change is the only constant. I used to be so nervous for something new. But, then I grew up, and life got harder. Now, I am thankful for change. I hope for change because it means that things won't always be this way. Everything is temporary, and I'm glad for that during trials like this.

I am sad. But, I am also hopeful. And, it's okay to be both.
I'm very thankful for all that I have been blessed with on this earth. And, I am so thankful that Jesus was born...

1 comments:

samskat said...

Thank you. For reminding me for what I have not had to suffer through. For reminding me that even though H spread poop all over her crib today, at least I got to hear her yell "moooommmyy!!!!!!!!!" at the top of her lungs......

And for reminding me that if I lose her, or vice versa, tomorrow, we'll see each other again....and it will be SO much better than this time around.

And please let your friend Beth know that she will be in my prayers. I cannot imagine how hard this time of year is for her.