Skip to main content

half part two ( of six)

So if you are just tuning in, last week I decided to give away HALF of one of my possessions each week. (Read the last post if you want to get filled in).

The popular question this week was, “So what are you giving away this week?”
Which made me panic a little.
I meant my post last week.
But, how often do you mean something and not really ever follow through.
People asking meant, I had to follow through.

So I went back to my closet.
Bottoms.
Jeans, khakis, skirts, pajama bottoms, work out pants, etc…
16 pairs of pajama pants ( I heart pajama pants and would wear these all the time if it were just slightly more socially acceptable).
8 pairs of workout/sweat type pants
18 pairs of jeans
16 pairs of brown/khaki pants
10 pairs of plain black pants
6 other ( plaid, print, etc.)
12 skirts
And I didn’t even look in the hamper.

I filled 4 trashbags completely full with pants to donate!

Going through all the piles gave me plenty of material to write about.
Like for example that I found 16 pairs of jeans but have been wearing the same pair for the last 3 days in a row.
Like how I discovered clothes that I completely forgot I even owned.
Like how the first few pairs are easy. The ones that have holes or stains or aren’t comfortable. And then it isn’t.
How I seriously considered rescuing a pair of black drawstring pants out of the bag before slipping them in the donation bin. No one would know.
How I kept hoping that this would feel so good, be so freeing.
But it is pretty hard.
Sad that a girl with 16 freaking pair of khaki pants had a seriously hard time whittling it down to only 8 pairs of khaki pants.
Instead, I’ll focus on hope.

You see, the sizes in my closet range from an 8 to a 16. (skinny to post baby)
And I am actually somewhere in the middle.
Unlike shirts, pants sizes are pretty specific.
One week of donuts, pie and skipping the gym……and I am up a size.
Meaning, there are plenty of pants in my closet that I can’t wear.
That, well I probably haven’t been able to wear since like junior high.
Some are too big, and some are too small…but I keep them around just in case.
Even sometimes when my heart isn’t…
My closet is full of hope.
My closet thinks that maybe one day I will be more (or less)
of the person that I want to be.
The one who gets up early to run and the one who eats veggies instead of pie.
And I know lots of people with entire sections of their closet that they can’t wear.
Even my really negative super pessimistic friends have clothes that they are one day hoping to fit back into.
When it comes to our jobs, or credit card bills, or marriages they start to lose heart.
But when it comes to their ass, they are hopeful…
That one day it will squeeze back into those jeans.

So today, when choosing which clothes to keep and which ones to donate,
I fully expected to give away all my skinny jeans.
And I did put a few in the bag.
But most of them I hung right back up.
Because when it comes right down to it,
I didn’t want to give away the hope that they represent.
Because if maybe I think that I can be that girl.
The one who fits back into her skinny jeans,
Then maybe I can also hope to be
The one who gets up and reads her bible.
The one who eats dinner with her family at the table most nights.
The one who follows through.
The one who pursues her dreams.
The one who sweeps under the couch.

And most of all the one who doesn’t own 74 pairs of pants.
But the one who has learned to give with a joyful heart.
Which is something I am still very much working on.
That ….and fitting back into those jeans.

Comments

Alyssa said…
I have been anxiously awaiting this post all weekend! And this line got me: "Even sometimes when my heart isn’t…
My closet is full of hope." Amazing insight.
samskat said…
I have also been waiting for this all week! It makes me a little nauseous to think of giving away half of anything....I'm proud of you, and proud to call you my friend (since you can do this, even if I'm not there yet).
michelle said…
thanks girls...next week i promise to move outside the closet and do something besides clothes. . . still kind of waiting on the what though.
Unknown said…
No blogging about tattoos or U2 yet?

steph
mommaof3 said…
I *LOVED* this post.....you are really giving me something to think about!

Popular posts from this blog

different

Someone recently sent me a meme about tattoos. I reminded them that I have over half a dozen, although none in such obvious places as the picture. I thought about it while I washed my hair, and how once my hair was also purple, and what kind of memes could be found about that. And also, my nose was pierced. Other than the first two tattoos, none of these were things I did in my youth. All were in my thirties. Currently my hair is a plain brown in a sensible cut. My tattoos all easily hidden with most clothing and only my ears are pierced. As this decade closes I have made efforts to dress more professionally, drink less, stay on top of the laundry although I still refuse to make my bed and talk at an appropriate volume level. Yet, I only looked back on my purple-haired days with longing rather than regret. See, I used to do those things to be different.   Sometimes I’d feel just a little trapped by my suburban life although perfect, felt a little too predictable. I fel...

voice

I remember waking up the day after the election tired and stunned. When I got to work I went downstairs to make copies and make some tea and did not make it back to my classroom until right before the tardy bell rang. I have a large class, full of all kinds of students from all kinds of backgrounds. I had not even thought about how they would respond to the election and that since we begin school so early that I might be the first adult they saw that day.  Immediately an African American on the front row told me that she was disappointed in our country. I teach science, not government and thought that I needed to turn the conversation as quickly as I could safely back to the objectives on the board, but I could not ignore her hurt and the rest of the quiet in the room. I told her that  regardless of what candidate she supported that this country is run by more than one person, that very soon she would be able to vote, that she had a voice. Behind her, a student that also ha...

multiple choice

As I write I am procturing a test ( yes on a Saturday, and no I am not getting paid for it.) The room is silent. The only noises I hear are pencils scratching on papers and pages turning. If I listen closely enough I swear I can hear their brains turning. I have always been a good test-taker. I would still regularly brag about my SAT scores if it wre socially appropriate to do so(or an actual indicator of anything meaningful). There is something comforting about multiple choice. (well as long as you don't have the crappy all of the above or none of the above choices...just the classic A, B, C, D variety). There are parameters. Multiple choice means you have options. The right answer is right in front of you, and all you have to do is find it. Even if you don't actually know which one the right answer is there are usually clues, it can be narrowed down or worked backwards. Even a blind guess is likely to be right 25% of the time. These aren't bad odds. All you have t...