Getting to Know Your Child - The survey my first grader's teacher wishes she never sent home

As a teacher myself, I have been in meeting after meeting this week that I am pretty sure would make my head pound even if I didn't have a literal hole in my head. Usually this time of year, I spend every free minute I have soaking up the last of the summer sun or surfing the internet for more fun things to do in my class. This year, by 3:30 my legs feel like jelly and my head is toast. I crawl straight into bed and try to get the energy to face meet the teacher night, Tuesday for Owen, Wednesday for Tess and then tomorrow night I actually have to be the teacher. I am known for funny ids, snarky comments, laughing loudly and making the most of my lunch break. I've tried to get a little more serious over the last few years. I love me some fun, but I have learned that being the girl always laughing and telling jokes can also mean that people don't take you seriously. Finding a balance between being fun and me and not being seen as a joke is a tough line for me to figure out. I love Amy Poehler and even have a coffee cup with her quote "There is power in looking silly and not caring that you do" but have tried to grow up a little and find the time and place for silly and the time and place for not wearing the yoga pants I slept in to inservice. It is still a work in progress. One of the biggest things I have learned in the pursuit of my next degree is this: being boring is hard. Academic writing and quick wit and puns with a complete disregard for all rules of grammar do not go hand in hand. I have spent all my energy in meetings this week trying to act like a grown up (or not fall asleep) and writing boring when I got Tess's first grade "get to know you form"...I could not provide a serious answer to save my life. I used all my serious up already today, and trust me it is a limited resource.
1. What is ONE word to describe your child? not a rule follower (that was 4 words btw)
2. What are your child's strengths? smart, kind, can put away way more donuts than she seems like she can store and not a shabby whip and nae nae.
3. What does your child need help with? matching her clothes, cleaning her room, algebra
4. Is your child afraid of anything? vegetables
5. Does your child celebrate any special times of year or holidays? when they release new flavors of frozen yogurt at yogurt land
6. What kinds of activities is your child involved in outside of school? soccer, dance and she claims to be a ninja
7. Does your child like to read or be read to? She can read above grade level, but much prefers to go through this still painful process of sounding out words and asking for help when you are watching a movie or talking on the phone. She reads the texts on my phone ...especially ones I wish she hadn't...effortlessly.
8. Does your child have internet access at home? Yes. Except when AT&T is providing us less than stellar service....which is far more often than I'd like. Do you want to call customer service for me. I can not handle the wait or terrible music they play.
9. If yes, what type of electronic devices are available for your child to use? Is this a trick question to make sure we monitor screen time. We totally do. Sometimes.  When I have had enough sleep. She has no device of her own although I think a Macbook is on her Christmas list. (good thing she is most likely on the naughty list). But, yes...she came out of the womb knowing my cell phone password and we have a myriad of other devices she can hack into when we can find them and they are actually charged.
10. What are YOU most excited about for your child this year? fundraisers. I love fundraisers. 
11. What is your biggest concern or fear about this school year? homework folders and never ending pickup lines. I have nightmares about these things.
12. How can I best help your child succeed this year? She loves attention and compliments. (she totally gets that from her dad). She is easily motivated by chocolate or food. (she also gets that from her dad). She is quiet at first, but when she warms out. (ok the quiet part is actually from her dad, but everything else from me).
13. What else would you like me to know about your child? She has exactly 284 freckles. She did not pass her swimming test at camp thurman this year -- it is a sore topic-- so try not to bring it up. She loves glitter and can sniff it keep an eye on your stash. She loves crafts, music, science and the Beastie Boys so you might want to add that to your playlist. Edited of course.
14. What other questions do you have for me? Tess would like to know what day of the week the cafeteria serves chicken nuggets and which you like more: puffy cheetos or funyons? I wanted to ask what that little 3 digit code was on the back of your credit card but my husband said I couldn' please for the love of expo markers do you have a sense of humor or at least won't hold these crazy answers against my smart, kind, tender kid?