pick up lines

All day I feel rushed.

Hurried. Behind.
Even after the bell. I rush to get copies. To set out supplies. To put my objectives on the board.
And out the door. To pick up my own student.

And I hurry up to wait. In a ridiculously long line that wraps around the block.
The crossing guard taps on my window to let me know that I have crossed the line.
I check my phone. my facebook. my email.
I wonder if I can grade papers. but last time I tried they just ended up all over my floorboard.

I've always felt lost on my elementary son's campuses. Like I just don't know all the rules that all these other moms have been given. PTA. carnivals. Field trips. I show up. but. I don't know many people and mostly I dont even see the point. and honestly they dont even want me. So i stop going, except when he asks.
And then I move mountains to be there.

But the pick up line I have mostly avoided on a regular basis until this year.
My husband drops off. And in the past I have picked up late. Relied on after school care at his school to give me an extra half hour every day to get things done. Shop for groceries alone. Use the restroom by myself.
But. I didn't use it enough. I could save that money.

So now I have my sign to place on my dash. And I wait.
and I watch the bumper of the car in front of me.
And I wait some more.

I hate the pick up line. It feels like such a waste. 20 minutes of my life I can't get back every day. But I figure I can't be alone. Other moms have to be stuck in these same lines. Swearing under their breath too.

So. A few ways to mix it up.
a) chineese fire drill.
b) make up stories about the crossing guard. I have named mine Carl and I have given him a very interesting home life and a criminal record.
c) have a pizza delivered. to yourself in line. Kid picked up. check. dinner. check. two birds with one stone.
d) make a sign with a made up kids name on it. This will really throw the teachers. The gig is up when they issue an Amber alert.
e) turn on your flashers and start honking. this will make you friends fast.
f) fit in your workout. Just get out and start your workout routine. Who knows, there might be an entire class going by the end of the year.
g) play solitaire. And i don't mean on the phone. Have cards lined up and down your dashboard. see if you can get a game of poker going with people around you.
h) dance like no one is watching. except everyone is totally watching.
i) see if you can make a few bucks by washing other people's winshields or selling flowers. Most of these stay at home moms don't make it to the interstate nearly enough.
j) motion for the car next to you to roll down their window and then ask them if they have any grey poupon
k) make it a day in the pick up line no one will ever forget. Call the police to report a stolen car and give them the lisence plate directly in front of you.
l) ask the person in the lane next to you if they want to race. and rev your engine.
m) on the back of your pick up tag, write honk if you have to pee too, or are about to fall asleep, or think Carl the crossing guard is hot and display prominantly.
n)if the harvard baseball team can get over 16 million hits on you tube for their car dance to call me maybe.....you can get atleast 16. choreograph your own seat dance of the day. even better start a flash mob.
o) or be like me and write this silly blog post.




oh. ok. fine. it is catchy. and i'll do the hand motions if you do....