edited

In high school and college when I had to write papers, I almost never read them through before turning them in. I was afraid that I’d see too many errors and have to spend even longer fixing them. So I just hit print (or ripped it out of my spiral) and hoped for the best.

Usually when I send emails or texts I just hit send without a preview. I’ve been known to even send them to the wrong people. Regularly.

I am not a big editor. In the sense that I think spell check is going to catch enough. I don’t use a thesaurus. I don’t cut enough. I write in fragments. I start half my sentences with the word and or but. I use too many be verbs. I never refer to MLA or whoever makes the grammar rules these days. I like ellipses. When I write I try to get it all out as fast as I can and then I hit post before I change my mind. I have never been a detail girl and figure if you can get my point that is good enough for this girl with a couple of science degrees. ( and maybe this is why I still have my day job )

But in terms of content. I filter and delete and change words and even occasionally take some artisitic liberties. For example in the last post I wrote, the real email had a few things I refuse to put online. Partly because they might hurt other people, but mostly because I’m afraid they will make me look bad. So what gets posted is the version where I am supposed to be open and honest and cute and funny and real and authentic, but only if it isn’t going to embarrass me too badly or make me look too awful. So maybe I’ll let one bad word slip but not four. Often, I will type out things just so that I can sort it all out in my head. But if it ever finds it’s way online, I have usually cut out the personal stuff. Which sounds ridiculous because it is all personal stuff. But the stuff that I don't want other people seeing. Online we have the liberty to edit. To pick and choose. And present only peices of the reality.

And we do this all the time. Pick the parts that we want to show. No one makes a scrap book of pictures that show their double chin or where someone’s head is cut off. Those pictures we throw away or delete and hope no one ever sees. No one ever puts, I gained 2 pounds this week as their facebook status. Or I just yelled at my husband or I cheated on my taxes. We give the jeans that make us look fat to Goodwill. We wear make up and masks try to put on our best show.

Because everyone else is.

And sometimes I wonder what it would be like if no one did.

If we all took off our masks and stopped pretending.

If just for one day everyone's status was what they were really thinking. Not what they thought other people wanted to read.

And I’m not saying that is all bad. It would be really dumb of me to put every thought out here. It would hurt people I love. I’d probably lose my job and most of my friends.

So I pick and chose and edit. Here and in real life.

Often not even enough.

Sometimes I should keep my mouth shut and I don’t.

Sometimes I should iron my shirt before leaving the house. Or at least put on some mascara.
Sometimes I just don’t care. When I should.

And I think there is a line. A fine one somewhere. That is the difference between showing people more of who we want to be and pretending to be something we aren’t. And I don’t always know where one ends and the other begins. But picking and chosing gives me the liberty to be more of what I want to be. And editing my life, just like my old English papers, can sometimes make it better. If I’m willing to face the mistakes and put in the time to improve them.

But for fun. Here are a few crappy photos and moments from my day:

Tess locked herself in her room and Shaun wasn’t home. I said about 17 bad words while trying to pry her doorknob off with a screwdriver. She was screaming so loudly though I doubt she heard them.

She also colored all over herself in marker. Again. I saw her doing it. But didn’t feel like getting off the couch to stop her. I also didn’t give her a bath tonight. Because just a few hours earlier she played in the sprinklers. I figured that counted.

My son has probably played about 3 hours worth of video games today. His dad even more.

Shaun and O had fun nighttime plans, so me and Tess went to the store just before they were supposed to leave. I took both sets of keys. Oops. No Pink Floyd Laser light show at the planetarium for the boys. Which is probably a good because I think mostly only college kids on acid go to that kind of thing.



check out those forced smiles. this will not be making it to a frame or even facebook.

owen isn't best photographer. and my hair has had much better days. i won't even mention shaun's expression.

ok. so i just thought this one was funny.