idontbelieveingrammar

It is July, which means an inevitable camp post. I can close my eyes and hear the Loma Linda screen doors slam.  I can smell the river water mixed with vinegar ear drops.  I can feel the cut of the grate of the catwalk on my bare feet and the uncomfortable way the sheet always slips off in the night and you wake up stuck to your mattress.  These days I am way too old for camp but apparently it has found some way to infiltrate all my senses and my heart. Permanently. I could not wait to send my kids. I want him to have the same crazy memories and nicknames and stories about scraped knees, bathing suits ripped on the rapids, raccoons eating contraband snacks but mostly feeling like the summer was mine.  For three weeks in July I left my parent’s world behind for an unairconditioned dorm, sub par food and not nearly enough showers for the number of girls who needed them. In return I had thirty new roommates, inside jokes, new tan lines, a fully packed cabood...

I woke up the day after my birthday and knew. For months I’ve been wondering what I need to do next, or what to be when I grow up or what happens now. But  that morning, with the smile lines and gray hairs showing through, looking every bit of another year older, I knew.  So before putting on real clothes I began searching for graduate programs. Which is a little bit silly because I already have a graduate degree. But I figured everyone now has a Masters, I might as well have 2. I applied to one school before my kids even got out of bed. I was looking at signing up for the GRE and trying to pick a program. I texted, emailed, called and made appointments with an advisor. But it wasn’t really what I was looking for. The next day, I did a little more research and stumbled upon a program that was more me. Unfortunately it will take a whole lot longer to complete and people would get to call me doctor if I got in. I applied to my second school in as ...

My son appeared in the doorway decked out in his uniform and shinguards. His hair flopped in his face and asked, “Dad, who am I battling today?” Me and my husband both laughed a little and I made a mental note to do a better job of limiting his video game time.  He looked confused and asked another question, “It is a game right?” My husband finally responded and said, “I don’t know Owen, I haven’t looked a the schedule yet. And this isn’t Pokemon, just ask who you are playing against.” He was completely satisfied by this answer, however, I was not going to let a moment for complete cheesiness pass me by. I decided to impart a life lesson on my son which he absolutely did not want. I told him that he was in fact battling someone today. In that really cute almost too big uniform with socks that went well over his knees. So again he asked who? I told him he was battling himself. He looked at me like I was crazy, which by age nine is a look he has had a lot of tim...

Sometimes when you are loud and obnoxious and wiling to look like a fool on a regular basis people forget that you are still afraid of things. That you are just as insecure as they are. That you still get embarrassed and petrified and your feelings hurt. I don’t get it. I’ve had multiple people tell me how un-insecure I am.  How I will say or do anything. And I have to tell them that I am just as afraid as the next girl.  And there are plenty of things that make me run away or want to wet my pants.  Most are facing hard things like emotions, rejection or failure. But. Let’s start with the easy stuff. I have a few big fears. One is snakes  (and bears or anything that could try to eat me or poison me in the woods). And I am 100% serious. And I have run-ins with both snakes and bears almost every year.  I can hike forever. Despite being super extroverted,  I enjoy the idea of getting lost in the woods alone. I like to spot deer and ...

Yesterday I got a text around 8 am from a friend asking if we were back and town and what we were up to that day. That is not the norm. Normally by 8:00 am on a weekday I am wearing something that I had to iron (or at least should have been ironed),  already finished my second cup (and last cup) of coffee and am wrapping up my first period class. There are no thoughts to entertaining myself or my own children…just praying that I remembered to sign my son’s homework folder and hoping I can find where I set my copies. But this is summer so the rules change. I put down my book for a minute to read her text in my pjs while wondering if it was ok to let my daughter wear the same clothes she had worn the day before and also slept in. I texted back immediately that were free and that I was up for doing something. And by something I told her I meant sitting on her couch and drinking her coffee doing nothing. I didn’t shower despite the fact that I’d run the night before and hope...

Some of my friends are into their 3rd week of summer. I haven't even made it to my third day. Yesterday was my first official non-duty day...and I spent it hanging out with my favorite new 9 year old. Today. I went back to work. So much for getting the summers off. I went to a workshop where different administrators did mini Ted Talks on education. I listened intently to the first speaker ....but then apparently my attention span was already on summer break and I began to drift and I tried to process some of what was said and  two old posts below that kept coming to mind. The first speaker really tried to draw out the why of what we do...and how most corporations really nail the what and the how but don't always sell the why. (watch some Simon Sinek ) I also think that our whys are often attached to a who. A who that encouraged us, or maybe even a who who said we couldn't or shouldn't. (My why has both) And more importantly the whose who we get to be. (and ...

Yesterday I made a terrible error in judgement. Huge. One I should have known better. I went to Party City to pick up some things for my son’s birthday party on our town’s Graduation day. The line was longer than the wait for the women's bathroom at an Indigo Girls concert.  Eventually I had all plates and cups and party crap I needed and got into line.  Years later, I made it to the front and the checkout guy asked what the occasion was, if I was in on any of this graduation hoopla. I told him that the Pokemon trading cards were for my son’s 9th birthday party…NOT…high school graduation. And I pray that my he has outgrown this Pokemon thing by then if he EVER wants to kiss a girl that is not a robot. But then quickly added that I was going to attend graduation later that night. I told him that I teach high school and get to graduate every year. He laughed appropriately but I was only partly kidding. Every year I walk on stage and sit with hundreds of ...