Skip to main content

the other senses

I am a girl who likes to hang on to people.
In junior high and high school I didn't have flippant crushes I pined after the same boy(s) for years. About that same time I attached myself to important figures like camp counselors or YL leaders and missed them intensely while they were gone.
Shaun has provided me with stable and steady, but there are still people I miss.

It is funny how people you think about everyday start to fade. When I was 15 my camp counselor was the coolest person on the planet. I missed her so much that it hurt for the other 11 months of the year. I thought about her daily.
But then eventually I didn't. This figure that had been so important to me slipped and faded to the back of my mind. Now she only occasionally slips into my mind. Even then I couldn't describe her very clearly. Even most of the memories are fuzzy.

Friends are like that. Some of my most favorite and closest friends past are getting blurry. I find old highschool mementos and don't remember the inside jokes. Facebook is kind of bringing those things back. People I had completely forgotten existed are back. All I have to do is click on their profile and can see exactly what they look like. I can read their updates and have some idea at what they are like now. But it has its limits.

Today I had to "resynch" my ipod. Meaning everything on it had been erased. I didn't want to reaload everything so I just put a few new playlists on and headed out the door.
Somehow a podcast that I had never listened to ended up on there. A friend. One of the old fuzzy kinds had told me to listen to it. Something from her church. I couldn't remember what it was supposed to be about. I downloaded it at her suggestion months ago, but never quite got around to listening to it. Today when I got in the car it was the first thing to come on.
I had of course forgotten all about it and was confused to hear someone talking rather than blaring music coming out.
I glanced down at the screen and vaguely remembered downloading it in the first place. It was not my friend talking but some other random voice. I started to find a more favorable playlist and made a mental note to delete this....but the story kind of pulled me in and I found myself listening to this girl I didn't know talk about Africa. A few more minutes in the speaker handed over the mike and the voice got a little more familiar.
It was so strange. Ask me yesterday and I would only be able to give you vauge descriptions of her. Yes of course I have some crystal clear memories but all the basics are blurry. This was a fuzzy old friend that I loved and missed fiercely but was slipping from my mind space. But as she talked in my car she seemed perfectly clear. She talked about something important (something along these lines http://www.nothingbutnets.net/). Her talk was good. Well planned. Well delivered. Or at least the 2 minutes of it that I listened to before pulling into the drive was ...but I was distracted by suddenly how crystal clear she had become. I could picture her exactly as she talked. I smiled as she cleared her throat or sniffed because I could remember those everyday noises being hers not fuzzy or blurry or barely there or a girl I miss from time to time.

Facebook or myspace or blogs all make it easier to "keep in touch". To stay connected with peoples lives. To help us remember. With the click of a button we can see their new profile picture or read their current status...but it can't really compete with things like a smell,or a song or especially a voice.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

pace yourself

Tonight I went running with a friend ten years my junior. I asked her how far she was running and when she said only about 1.5 or 2 miles, I teased her that I could go at least twice that far. And to just let me know when she needed to stop. I have been running pretty regularly for the last few weeks. It isn’t long but keep increasing my time and distance. I’ve stopped getting blisters. I don’t suck wind after five minutes anymore and I was feeling pretty good about myself. Thinking I might even be able to out run this girl who was so much younger and obviously in more shape than me. As we started to jog I told her that I run pretty slow. Like my husband used to walk beside me while I ran, slow. And she slowed her gait a little bit for me but it was still faster than I usually go. I was a little embarrassed and was not going to ask her to slow down again. So I just ran at her pace. I stayed close. And was fading fast. A little over a mile in I was ready to quit. Again, pride, which isn...

pursue something else.

Americans like the idea of happy. of pursuing happiness. It is even one of our inalienable rights at least according to the Declaration of Independance. But I think maybe we should pursue something else. like love or joy or peace or contentment. and leave happy alone. Don't read me wrong. I am neither bitter nor cynical. Even my problems are good problems. I am positive. Half full. And most days I laugh a whole lot more than I cry. And simple things like a dance party in the living room, an hour alone in Barnes and Noble, the yellow pajama pants my son picked out for me for mother's day, potstickers, clean sheets, someone surprising me with coffee, jeans fresh from the dryer, a good song on the radio, or squeals of delight when I walk in the door all make my heart sing. They make me happy. For a minute. But when the squealing turns to screaming, my new pants are dirty, the sheets are in a jumble on the floor or the coffee runs out....where does that leave me? And happy isn'...

my first dance

My wedding day is a little bit of a blur. And it was a great day. But so many people and so much going on and so many moments that it is hard to remember them all clearly without the help of photographs. But I totally remember my first dance as a bride. And it wasn’t with my husband. Or even my father, or brother. I had quickly kicked off my heels and hid them underneath a table. Said my hellos and hugs and smiled until my face hurt. Someone ushered us through the buffet line and I piled my plate with hors d'oeuvres and headed to a table. But before I could pop a single shrimp in my mouth someone grabbed me firmly by the arm and pulled me onto the dance floor and into a jitterbug before I could protest. It was my husband’s granddaddy. A man I had only met about a few times and heard say about as many words. So I was a little surprised when he spun me around the dance floor. Eventually that night I danced with my husband. And my dad. And probably even my brother. But my fir...