Skip to main content

hopeful still

know it is Sunday, and we are already on to week 2 of Advent (Peace), but I just read this......and have to post it here.
It is written by my friend Beth, that many of you read about here.
I have been really pondering on these words ( hope, peace, joy and love)….and struggling to try and tell you what they mean and how to be them. To really offer up hope and peace and joy…and I have been coming up a little short. These little nouns and how to be them are more than I can wrap my words around.

But hope. I thought of Beth. She has been down an ugly path this last year. And she is so so sad. But she is also hopeful. I like that she doesn’t pretend and trade one out for the other. Her grief is real and visible on her face even these many months later when the condolences have stopped coming. But she also smiles and laughs and keeps living.
That is some ridiculous hope. And here is what she had to say……..

You can hope for silly things. Like, I hope Texas Tech wins the Big XII. And, you can hope for important things. Like, I hope my daughter grows up to be a good person. But, the hope I'm talking about is that thing -- the gas that keeps us moving. Our reason for being.

It was the worst day of my life. And, I hope it will be the worst day I ever have on this earth. I knew he wasn't moving. I knew when I got to the hospital that they wouldn't find a heartbeat. My 35 week old son's heart stopped beating inside of me. I held him in my arms and weeped. I was empty as Michelle so honestly wrote about in her blog "For Tucker". Not a day goes by that I don't picture his face, and miss him, and want to hold him. But, I know that all of this sadness is just for me, and that my little Tucker is in a better place. I know that he never had to experience the hardships of this world that I will never be able to protect my daughter from. I know that there are much more beautiful lullabyes in Heaven than I could ever sing. And, I know I'll see him again some day. That's what keeps me going. The possibility of having another child who needs me. The promise of eternal life with my son. I've been reading a lot of blogs written by men and women who lost an infant due to still birth or other reasons. Many have tattoos and many of those tattoos say or symbolize Hope. Some people didn't have names picked out for their children, and named their still born daughters, "Hope". What is it about loss and despair that would inspire HOPE?

I am so glad that Jesus was born. If Jesus was never born, I wouldn't have the promise of Heaven, and I wouldn't know where my son is, and I wouldn't know that I will get to see him again and hold him again some day. The fact that Jesus was born onto this earth -- the Word became flesh -- is the ONLY reason that I have any hope at all. This world is not all that there is. This is not the end. We have eternal life, and that is what I can put my hope in.

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for." Which means that it's not just something that we know is going to happen, but it's something that we WANT!

I used to hate change. I used to despise the fact that change is the only constant. I used to be so nervous for something new. But, then I grew up, and life got harder. Now, I am thankful for change. I hope for change because it means that things won't always be this way. Everything is temporary, and I'm glad for that during trials like this.

I am sad. But, I am also hopeful. And, it's okay to be both.
I'm very thankful for all that I have been blessed with on this earth. And, I am so thankful that Jesus was born...

Comments

samskat said…
Thank you. For reminding me for what I have not had to suffer through. For reminding me that even though H spread poop all over her crib today, at least I got to hear her yell "moooommmyy!!!!!!!!!" at the top of her lungs......

And for reminding me that if I lose her, or vice versa, tomorrow, we'll see each other again....and it will be SO much better than this time around.

And please let your friend Beth know that she will be in my prayers. I cannot imagine how hard this time of year is for her.

Popular posts from this blog

Canceled

I inhale books. So much so that I’m occasionally embarrassed by my intake. I don’t want anyone to think that I don’t work or pay attention to my family.  I’m just a fast reader and I don’t watch a lot of TV or play any games on my phone. Well – except for Wordle of course. My library card get a lot of miles. However, I still probably spend an embarrassing amount on books.  Even though I often put books in those cute little free libraries – I still have more books than shelves.  Today I did something tragic.  I did not renew my book of the month membership.  And let's be honest, it is more like three books a month.  I am not unhappy with the customer service, quality  or selection.  Book of the Month, I promise …it’s not you - it’s me.  I want to invest in my writing and I realize this going to cost me.  I don’t want to take that money from my family or my kid’s college funds.  Instead I had to evaluate what I was willing to give up.  What financial choices impact me but not as many

slow

Recently I went to the local running store and let them charge a ridiculous amount for a new pair of running shoes. I used to run. Just like I used to do lots of things, but lately I have been slow to get off the couch. Let’s be honest. This season has been a long one, and I’ve been slow to do a lot of things that are good for me. My old shoes are wearing thin and nothing motivates like a new pair of kicks.  I quickly found my brand and style of choice and asked the worker to bring them in my size. The owner spoke up from the back, “So you are picking your shoes out based on how they look?” I pulled my own foot into her view. I showed her a similar pair in teal, well worn, with the big toe scuffed all the way through. The model was a few years old and I needed a fresh start.  “Nope. These are my brand, but I’m open to your suggestions.” Runners are very particular about their shoes.  I tell her I need something to absorb a lot of the impact.  I tell her that I overpronate just a little

The annual REAL Christmas letter: 2021 edition

  One of my favorite traditions for over a  decade has been to sit down and try to write a REAL Christmas letter.  Not just the highlights, but a few honest moments as well. It started as a joke with one of my friends, thinking how refreshing it be for people to share more than just their perfect lives that we are used to seeing on Facebook and Instagram. It would be way more truthful and a whole lot more entertaining. So here goes… 2021 I had such high hopes for you. Well, actually the bar was pretty low but clearly not low enough. If I have learned anything from 2020 it is that even things that are difficult, the days are still a gift. It is a gift to gather with family without a Covid test or a worrisome 5 days after. It is a gift to go to the movies or a concert. It is a gift to go to work, school and sporting events. It is a gift to get vaccines, to board an airplane to sit in a pew at church. It is a gift to be allowed back to visit someone in the emergency room. It is a gift to