Skip to main content

showing off

I hit the 6 month mark a few weeks ago and almost none of my old clothes fit anymore. I have moved past the fat stage to the true baby belly stage. Tess herself has moved past cute little jabs and kicks in my abdomen to all out acrobatics resulting in back pain, shortness of breath, major heartburn ....just for starters. The sad thing is I know I am going to get much bigger and much more uncomfortable in the next 3 and a half months.
I would like to pretend that this belly doesn't slow me down. But it does. I would also like to pretend that it isn't affecting some of my friendships. But it is.
You see, it seemed I got pregnant this time just by thinking about it. I have several friends and aquatiences where that is not the case. They have spent thousands of dollars, long hours in a waiting rooms, and had some pretty humiliating office visits all to end up in the same disappointed place each month.
If you subscribe to any parenting magazines or websites you willl notice an article every few months or so about how to act or what to say to your friends who don't have (and don't want) kids yet and even some about how to treat a friend who had a miscarriage. Even a few on adoption. These topics get plenty of press and most people are sensative to those topics ( even though plenty of people still manage to say really dumb things). I have yet to see one article on how to act around your friends going through infertility, while your belly is bulging.
Don't get me wrong there are thousands of websites devoted to infertility and most of them are enough to make a girl crazy.............but girls like me don't go to those websites. And as shocked and thrilled as I was to see those 2 little pink lines I was also a little stunned and sad for my friends who have been trying so much longer.
We try to be helpful by asking questions, about treatments, about random studies or remedies we have heard about. But trust me these girls know. They are far more well-read than you are on the subject. So we ask about other options........but other options don't exaclty cut it when you want a baby. It is like promising a teenager a new car, and then offering them a bicycle.
I wish I had something more to offer about what to say or do. I am sure I have made my share of mistakes here............but my advice is to remember that your body may have been taken over but make sure your conversations aren't. It is ok to occasionally bring up dr's visits, paint colors and names, but find other things to talk about too. Movies, coffee, etc. Don't complain about how uncomfortable you are or how fat you feel. It is like eating a BigMac in front of a starving person and complaining about the way it tastes. Spend hours talking about stretch marks or breast feeding with someone else.
On the flip side, don't feel bad or guilty about your joy. Revel in it and cherish it and use it to help you forget about the heartburn.

Comments

Alyssa said…
I'm so glad you wrote down your thoughts on this issue and hope you'll get the opportunity to expand it into a published article at some point.

Popular posts from this blog

Canceled

I inhale books. So much so that I’m occasionally embarrassed by my intake. I don’t want anyone to think that I don’t work or pay attention to my family.  I’m just a fast reader and I don’t watch a lot of TV or play any games on my phone. Well – except for Wordle of course. My library card get a lot of miles. However, I still probably spend an embarrassing amount on books.  Even though I often put books in those cute little free libraries – I still have more books than shelves.  Today I did something tragic.  I did not renew my book of the month membership.  And let's be honest, it is more like three books a month.  I am not unhappy with the customer service, quality  or selection.  Book of the Month, I promise …it’s not you - it’s me.  I want to invest in my writing and I realize this going to cost me.  I don’t want to take that money from my family or my kid’s college funds.  Instead I had to evaluate what I was willing to give up.  What financial choices impact me but not as many

slow

Recently I went to the local running store and let them charge a ridiculous amount for a new pair of running shoes. I used to run. Just like I used to do lots of things, but lately I have been slow to get off the couch. Let’s be honest. This season has been a long one, and I’ve been slow to do a lot of things that are good for me. My old shoes are wearing thin and nothing motivates like a new pair of kicks.  I quickly found my brand and style of choice and asked the worker to bring them in my size. The owner spoke up from the back, “So you are picking your shoes out based on how they look?” I pulled my own foot into her view. I showed her a similar pair in teal, well worn, with the big toe scuffed all the way through. The model was a few years old and I needed a fresh start.  “Nope. These are my brand, but I’m open to your suggestions.” Runners are very particular about their shoes.  I tell her I need something to absorb a lot of the impact.  I tell her that I overpronate just a little

The annual REAL Christmas letter: 2021 edition

  One of my favorite traditions for over a  decade has been to sit down and try to write a REAL Christmas letter.  Not just the highlights, but a few honest moments as well. It started as a joke with one of my friends, thinking how refreshing it be for people to share more than just their perfect lives that we are used to seeing on Facebook and Instagram. It would be way more truthful and a whole lot more entertaining. So here goes… 2021 I had such high hopes for you. Well, actually the bar was pretty low but clearly not low enough. If I have learned anything from 2020 it is that even things that are difficult, the days are still a gift. It is a gift to gather with family without a Covid test or a worrisome 5 days after. It is a gift to go to the movies or a concert. It is a gift to go to work, school and sporting events. It is a gift to get vaccines, to board an airplane to sit in a pew at church. It is a gift to be allowed back to visit someone in the emergency room. It is a gift to